By John Burtis
Friday, December 1, 2006
The news out of alaska has been just shocking.
In these days of the freebie, always acceptable no matter where it originates, it was quite surprising to see that four remote villages in alaska said no to Hugo Chavez's latest oil giveaway program. a program which my neighbors to the south, our most liberal brothers and sisters in our most progressive state, Massachusetts, just can't get enough of.
Sure, up here in what remains of the Granite State we get the ads on cable showing a smiling Joe Kennedy shilling for that murderous South american strongman, Hugo Chavez, as he touts a savings of 40% on a gallon of fuel oil through his vaunted Citizen's Energy, or whatever the blood drenched diminutive dictator's local petroleum laundry is called these days.
and poor Joe, spalpeen of one of america's most liberal families, never seems to grasp the hearty joke attached to Hugo's generosity: that the discount is made available to the pols, coat holders, and the indigent in Taxachusetts – who are seen dragging metal bed frames in front of gas ovens in Joe's ads - courtesy of the bloody pesos kept from alleviating the plight of the more severely downtrodden in Venezuela. But what the heck, it's free or damn near.
a progressive Massachusetts solon has never been one to question a free or even a heavily discounted handout, especially one that can garner the publicity that accrues from a photo-shop enhanced spread in the Globe, carried on one of the local TV stations where the disc jockeys carry your water, and one that garners extensive Kennedy good will, always a plus in the Bay State's seething hackerama.
and right now, John Kerry is sulking somewhere, wishing, between haircuts, manicures, and Botox treatments, that he had spent some time elbowing his way ahead of young Joe III in his home state. But he yawns as he realizes the work involved in hustling a foreign dictator, setting up a front company, arranging media events, and having it all done with a smaller staff than he's used to. Though he remembers that Joe used to wear engineer boots with his suits and ties in his early years, something Mr. Kerry's aging valet would never have allowed. Then John remembers Joe's unseemly quip about his wearing ribbons on fatigues and brushes the whole scenario from his mind as he goes back to dreaming about a presidency he will someday hold, the orders he will issue, and the parades he'll convene and march in.
Back on the frigid shores of arctic alaska, imagine that you pay seven dollars for a gallon of heating oil and still you say no to Hugo. and on top of all of this, try imagining that your community tanks echo when you tap them with a chilly finger in late October. and still you refuse help from that foul mouthed Bush-bashing UN podium thumping dclass oil rich socialist huckster, when 147 other alaskan villages said yes to his easy largesse.
Still you say no, even when a gagged up Seor Hugo Chavez offers Justine Gunderson of the Nelson Lagoon Tribal administration some five million dollars in petroleum aid.
Funny, but way out there in the snow and ice, where the words to that popular song seem to hold true for so many – When Quinn the Eskimo get's here, Ev-rybody's gonna jump for joy…- the folks on the ground just said no to Hugo. In return they have received cards and letters from all over the good old US of a. and the good people who have said no have also received some $30,000 from the folks down under, american families, who have also sent a resounding no thanks to Mr. ahmadinejad's increasingly fulsome partner in crime and terrorism with their checks and cash.
and there's the difference a bit of geography makes.
While the fat cats in liberal, highly affluent Massachusetts bathe in the heady limelight, with publicity powered by the toil of the thousands imprisoned in Venezuela, the far less prosperous home town folks in Nelson Lagoon are enjoying a minute or two of free publicity because they're proud americans. They're basking in their freedom from the hand outs of mad blood thirsty dictators and from the grasping clutches of self-centered progressive Democratic politicians, the sons of liberal know-it-alls, and the perils of quasi-governmental give-aways.
Some folks say Hugo should've dispatched Cindy Sheehan to alaska to insure that all 151 villages bought in on his freebies. But there has been some doubt expressed about Ms. Sheehan's abilities to connect with the hardy souls who make a living on the shores of the parlous Bering Sea.
Others say that maybe Joe Kennedy himself should've gone north to alaska to curry Hugo's favor among our hardier countrymen in the land of the midnight sun. But others say that Joe doesn't do too well that far from the arc lights, haberdashers, luncheonettes, and wifi.
Still some other rather misguided individuals say that maybe Mr. John Forbes Kerry should go to alaska, america's final frontier, to introduce himself around, do a bit of early campaigning, and supinely shill, do the huckabuck, and dance a bit for Hugo's sake. Unfortunately, his valet doesn't winter too well, it's tough packing for the wicked cold williwaws that've been known to knock you flat, and there's just no doggone media way up there to ape for, so that idea is dead on arrival.
But it is comforting to know that way out there in the wild outback of alaska some hardy folks have sent a resounding no to that garrulous man about town, the obsequious, four flushing dictator, and that catch penny oil man from Caracas, the Castro mimicking Hugo Chavez.
It is a surprise that in america today, where folks line up for free oil, a Wii or an Xbox, where John Edwards will spend all day running WalMart down in their front parking lot while he sends his own valet in the back door to score the new game before the hoi polloi sully the box with their greasy paws, that folks still have the gumption to throw the bounders out.
and brother, we have a surfeit of regnant petroleum peddling rascals on the loose from Massachusetts and Venezuela.
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