(a lot of people are grousing about the soon-to-be released, The Da Vinci Code. Canadian priest, Father Bernard F. Heffernan, will be right on site when the film is released at the Cannes Film Festival on Tuesday, where he will launch The First Religious Music Festival Cannes, 2006 at a church directly across from the Festival pavilion.)
It's Wednesday afternoon. I am in Cannes at the accreditation Center to get a special pass to see the first showing of the Da Vinci Code tonight. I find out that my pass is not the right one. More information is needed from Canada. But the time is too short. Like the Perry Como song says, "It's impossible."
I turn to leave the center when Stephanie Kotuby, the guest booker for CNN TV asked for an interview. Fearing that I might say the right thing at the wrong time, I declined.
Walking a few steps further, I met Boris Bachortz, a reporter with agency France Press, who also wanted an interview. aFP is headquartered in Paris. aFP is one of the world's three biggest news agencies--Reuters being one of them. again I feared saying the right thing at the wrong time-- and declined.
Somehow I wanted to find a local daily Cannes/Nice newspaper. I was told to go to the nearby Tourist Bureau. I entered and approached the counter. a girl accused me of not recognizing her. "You forget meeting me yesterday!" She said. "Where?" I asked. "at the other Tourist Bureau." "Oh yes! I remember you're anna. Your name is the same as the grandmother of Jesus." But you forgot me, she persisted good naturedly.
"No! I wrote about you in yesterday's column and sent it out to 350 newspapers and an Internet Newspaper called the Canada Free Press which has half a million readers a month. Read this," I said, pulling the script out of my brief case.
as she read, a smile as wide as Serbia spread across her face. "This is the first time I ever saw my name in a newspaper."
"Well" I said, "You can help me get it in a big local newspaper--The `Nice/Canne Journal'. Can you direct me to the local office?"
"I can. It's just down the street" she said, eagerly heading out the door into the middle of the road. "I'll show you! There!" She raised her arm and pointed to a building a block away.
as she lowered her arm she exploded a Black Sea sneeze, and wheeled away to miss me. I pretended she had showered me and I feigned a moan over and over "Oh no! Oh no! By the time she turned back my both arms were thrashing exaggerated wipings of my neck, hair, face, forehead, ears and eyes. She knew I was kidding. We both laughed, as I departed, walked down the street and entered the office of the Nice/Cannes newspaper.
The manager was busy. But he held up the picture and script. Reading on, he grew more interested. He found a camera man, sat me on a chair, and cradled the picture of Jesus in my hands with a caption reading Truth. He planned to put the picture in his paper with the caption, "Priest travels all the way from Canada to Cannes to say that `The Da Vinci Code' is lies."
a few moments later I left the office thinking, "O dear! Did I say the right thing at the wrong time?" If I did, I couldn't wipe it off like a sneeze. If I said the right thing at the wrong time, I would be persona non grata around Hollywood until the whole world learns that the Da Vinci Code is the Da Vinci Cover Up!"
That night, at midnight my cell phone rang. It was my excited friend Dan Morgan from New York. "Listen to this! The USa Today newspaper has a full page on the Da Vinci Code, as well as much more, it states the five blatant errors in the Da Vinci Code, stating first the Fiction and then The Fact. The USa TODaY newspaper goes all over the world. Now the whole world knows. You said the right thing at the right time. Further more, you are in the right place at the right time."
If my writing is incoherent. It's because I am typing this column in an internet café where many others are typing theirs. Off to my right is a Russian lawyer trying to work out a 20-year deal for the advertising rights to use certain Da Vinci pictures and voices. He sounds brilliant, like a Russian Eddie Greenspan. He switches with ease from Russian to English, in a conference call with three or four clients. They talk of a hearing being held in New York, but his clients think they can get a better deal in Stockholm, Sweden.
a garbage truck pulls up outside preventing me hearing more. But my over all impression is that millions of dollars are at stake in the Da Vinci Movie. I also learned that I can learn a lot more sitting in an internet cafe than sitting in a theatre. I can do that at home. Outside the internet café, up at the corner a large crowd has gathered on the sidewalks pouring over onto the street. Cameras are raised above heads. On the roofs of buildings stand spotters. Somewhere in the middle of the star struck crowd are a couple stars, gods and goddess signing autographs before three black limousines pull up and whisk them away. Such is the life of movie stars. as the French say, "C'est la vie!"
To Reach Father Heffernan by CELL PHONE in Cannes, France Dial 011 33 685 8800 30
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