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European Union, Witchcraft
Making men look more feminine, EU style
By Judi McLeod
Thursday, March 15, 2007
You would think that the European Union which has seen itself caricatured in comedy with the question, "How many EU officials does it take to measure a banana?" would know better than to throw a lifeline to Witchcraft.
But even though still caught up in a conundrum of finding water for 41 million Europeans lacking access to safe drinking water, that's precisely what the EU's up to.
Like most things bureaucratic, it was one of those ideas that started off in the right direction, with the EU opening up funding for new projects in Romania.
Perhaps frustrated by the mountains of paperwork that had to be filled out, locals hoping to get in on the funding are turning to witches to cast spells that promise to speed up and even guarantee the results of the process.
New Ageism is no stranger to the EU's Brussels crystal palace headquarters, where the chosen symbol is The Woman Riding the Beast.
Few eyebrows were raised when outspoken protestant minister, Rev. Ian R.K. Paisley, MPP, MEP wrote about the EU reserving one of its seats which remains unallocated and unoccupied to this day, EU seat number 666.
Indeed, the EU is second only to the United Nations for advancing a New Age agenda.
While there's nothing magic about contemporary Europeans quaffing up billions of euro's worth of pricey bottled water, magic does brisk business in Romania.
"Romanian witches are carving out a lucrative new business--concocting spells to help locals get EU grants. www.ananova.com.
Before the EU made getting grants through witchcraft big business, the country's witches busied themselves with love potions for matchmaking and ones to cast spells on Bessie the cow to get her to produce more milk.
How do witches' spells work on getting grants from the EU?
"Witch Florica, from Pitesti in southern Romania, said: "It's a new type of spell that we had to work out of course."
"You cannot pretend you are a real witch if you cannot help a businessman get the European Union funds he wants.
"'For example, only the other day I had a young businessman who came to me with his papers applying for European funds.'"
So how did Florica get him his funds?
"I spread the cards on his documents, said my spells and splashed the paper with some potions, It only cost him about €40 for my charms but when he gets the money thanks to my spells he will be happy and I will be happy because he will bring me new customers."
Now there's a capitalist in the making.
Jesus Christ and Christianity are out at the EU's crystal palace, but Witchcraft is a recognized profession in the new EU state.
Witches explain that they were in on the new business from the ground floor.They merely adjusted their services as entrepreneurs by turning to potions and spells to get the money they want.
If only Witchcraft could downsize taxation in North America!
The witches have more fertile fields in which to work, courtesy of the politically correct EU.
"Witches say that with entry to the EU and rights for homosexuals guaranteed in legislation, more and more gay men are also turning to them for help.
But homosexuals and heterosexuals alike can have the witches' magic--for a certain price.
Witch Margareta from Pitesti said: "`I have come up with a lot of new spells to help men to get together or for men to gain more feminine features.
"'They are starting to use make up and wear jewellery and I am helping with spells to make them more attractive, make their thighs smaller and stop their moustaches growing.'"
Now that EU money is making men look more feminine through magic potions, perhaps the witches can help the EU to go dowsing for the water it needs for the masses.