In a stunning move that left business analysts speechless, the terrorist entity Hamas has purchased all outstanding shares of CUPE. Or so it would appear, given the position by the CUPE executive to encourage the membership’s approval to ban Israeli professors from Ontario universities. Janice Folk-Dawson, the chairwoman of the university workers committee, claims the impetus to ban Israeli academics comes from the organization’s grass roots and is strictly designed to “stop the massacre [in the Gaza Strip] that is going on daily.”