It was January 21, 2017, and an exhausted President Hillary Clinton was basking in the afterglow of her swearing in the day before. Narrowly defeating Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election, she settled into her chair in the Oval Office on her first full day at the helm. She surveyed the room and dreamed of how she planned to serve out the third and maybe fourth terms of Barack Obama--just as she had promised to do during the campaign.
As she sat back in the comfort of the First Chair and while her husband, First Philanderer Bill Clinton busied himself interviewing new female interns, President Hillary waited for the next congratulatory call from the next head of state. There were, of course, the oil sheiks from the Mideast who had so generously contributed to the Clinton Slush Fund over the years and who wished to remind her that, well, they were owed. Then there were the traditional allies, Britain, France and a nervous Israel--worried whether the new President would be as hostile to the interests of our only Mideast ally as was her predecessor. There was the congratulatory call from Obama who called once more to suggest that he might be interested in a Supreme Court vacancy in the event that some current Justice were to die or retire due to health reasons. After all, Obama's ringing endorsement of President Hillary last summer buoyed her flagging campaign. And there was the wink and a nod to the Attorney General that resulted in no untidy criminal charges as a result of her email indiscretions. There were strings attached to all such favors as the Clintons knew better than anyone.2017--President Hillary's New Best Friend, Vladimir Putin
As she fantasized about higher taxes, free college for everyone, wealth redistribution, and a federal $20 per hour minimum wage, her socialist daydream was interrupted...
It was January 21, 2017, and an exhausted President Hillary Clinton was basking in the afterglow of her swearing in the day before. Narrowly defeating Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election, she settled into her chair in the Oval Office on her first full day at the helm. She surveyed the room and dreamed of how she planned to serve out the third and maybe fourth terms of Barack Obama--just as she had promised to do during the campaign.
As she sat back in the comfort of the First Chair and while her husband, First Philanderer Bill Clinton busied himself interviewing new female interns, President Hillary waited for the next congratulatory call from the next head of state. There were, of course, the oil sheiks from the Mideast who had so generously contributed to the Clinton Slush Fund over the years and who wished to remind her that, well, they were owed. Then there were the traditional allies, Britain, France and a nervous Israel--worried whether the new President would be as hostile to the interests of our only Mideast ally as was her predecessor. There was the congratulatory call from Obama who called once more to suggest that he might be interested in a Supreme Court vacancy in the event that some current Justice were to die or retire due to health reasons. After all, Obama's ringing endorsement of President Hillary last summer buoyed her flagging campaign. And there was the wink and a nod to the Attorney General that resulted in no untidy criminal charges as a result of her email indiscretions. There were strings attached to all such favors as the Clintons knew better than anyone.As she fantasized about higher taxes, free college for everyone, wealth redistribution, and a federal $20 per hour minimum wage, her socialist daydream was interrupted by a rather unexpected call on that special phone reserved for international crises or the threat of nuclear war.
"Hallo Madame President," the speaker said with a slow, slightly foreboding Russian accent, "this is your best friend Vlad."
"Who?" the President Hillary asked.
"You know--Vlad Putin, your new best friend," he replied darkly, "congratulations on your first day in office."
"Well, I am honored by your call," she replied, "but, well, best friend and all that--seems a little presumptuous. I do hope that we can become friends one day, Mr. Putin."
"Please call me Vlad and I, too look forward to working with you to assure our mutual best interests are served--and I am sure we will have a great relationship."
"Mutual best interests?" President Hillary inquired, "what interests are you referring to?"
"Well," Putin replied confidently, "we look forward to working with you on your new policy toward Ukraine, our former Warsaw Pact allies, Syria and elsewhere of course."
"What policy are you referring to and why should I assist you?" the President asked warily.
" Well, you have an interest in not disclosing certain indiscretions, shall we call them?"
"But....," the President replied, overcome by a sense of foreboding, "if you mean my husband's peccadilloes, well..."
"...Oh, not at all," Putin replied, "not that. By the way how was your dinner with Bill last Thursday evening? I see your reservations at 6:30 p.m."
"But how could you possibly....."
"And those cute photos of your grandchild Chelsea sent you last month--so special..."
Clinton was nonplussed; her reply stuck in her throat.
"And that unfortunate, desperate email sent by your ambassador on the night he died--so heart wrenching. So tragic. How sad you could not help your countrymen that night in Benghazi--after all his pleas for help. Bet you did not sleep well that night. You indicated you went to bed at midnight. I wonder if those brave Americans were dead by then."
"What do you want?" President Hillary asked weakly.
"Oh not that much. We will talk from time to time about our new relationship and I promise it will be a close one. You can even order a new reset button and we can push it in the Oval Office whenever you like. Of course we will want the press there," Putin chuckled.
"But how could you know?" she asked.
"Do you think we are just a bunch of vodka swilling Slavs who sit around and drink all day and have no ability to hack your Pentagon, your power grids, your dams, your mass communications? Were you so stupid as to think we did not know about your silly broom closet private server and all your thousands of unprotected messages? We have college students capable of hacking your system," Putin asked, his voice rising in anger. "Even now we can track you."
"What do you want?" the President asked meekly.
"For starters you will cede Syria to our interests and stop calling for Assad to step down; you will cease meddling in Ukraine and you will justify it in terms of cost and you will simply state that Crimea is not in your country's best interest and that is best left to Russia and its neighbors. You will not arm our former East European allies with defensive missiles and you will justify that in terms of budgetary constraints...for starters."
"But I cannot meet these demands," Hillary protested.
"You can, and you will find a way."
"But it will be hard to do," Hillary protested again.
"Harder than impeachment? Do you and your husband want to go down in history as to the first husband and wife team to be impeached? Except this time you--unlike your husband--will be convicted."
"Well..." replied President Hillary, shaken to her toes by the awful realization that the worst case scenario had indeed happened. And there was nothing she could do about it.
"So, keep in touch Madame President," Putin replied "and think about it. By the way, you might be hearing from the President of China as well. He enjoyed the transcripts of your email as much as I did. We talk, you know...."
© 2016 William Kevin Stoos
Read next: When your best friend are out walking and passes your house
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William Kevin Stoos——Bio and Archives
Copyright © 2020 William Kevin Stoos
William Kevin Stoos (aka Hugh Betcha) is a writer, book reviewer, and attorney, whose feature and cover articles have appeared in the Liguorian, Carmelite Digest, Catholic Digest, Catholic Medical Association Ethics Journal, Nature Conservancy Magazine, Liberty Magazine, Social Justice Review, Wall Street Journal Online and other secular and religious publications. He is a regular contributing author for The Bread of Life Magazine in Canada. His review of Shadow World, by COL. Robert Chandler, propelled that book to best seller status. His book, The Woodcarver (]And Other Stories of Faith and Inspiration) © 2009, William Kevin Stoos (Strategic Publishing Company)—a collection of feature and cover stories on matters of faith—was released in July of 2009. It can be purchased though many internet booksellers including Amazon, Tower, Barnes and Noble and others. Royalties from his writings go to support the Carmelites. He resides in Wynstone, South Dakota.
“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” was released in 2011 with all the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”