There's No Difference Between Barack's Brain & The Back End of a Prius, Thankfully!

A Bumper Sticker Presidency

By —— Bio and Archives--April 4, 2010

Cover Story | Comments | Print Friendly | Subscribe | Email Us

imageIs there any experience more delightful than being stuck in a traffic jam, choking on exhaust fumes behind a hybrid car festooned with leftist slogans? Actually, yes! This would be living in America, circa 2010, scarfing down Chairman Barack’s toothsome and intellectually nutritious daily ration of brilliant policies, ultimately derived from liberal bumper stickers. Is it not the most obvious fact on the planet that all of Obama’s ideas are merely implemented leftist slogans? And, fortunately so! Isn’t a no-growth, pro-socialism, imperialist-free, anti-Global Warming, non-interventionist, USA-criticizing platform unusual for an American president? Happily, pie-in-the-sky, anti-capitalism, collectivist slogans for creating a Marxist utopia are great fodder for the world’s smartest leader, and he knows it.


Through A Toddler’s Eyes

One can imagine Barack Obama, in his Honolulu thumb-sucking days. There he lay, cooing happily in a recycled papaya-box-crib, nursing from his coconut shell & straw milk bottle, in a room stuffed with radical Hippy posters and leftist signs. Stinky and snorey, he passively absorbed these idealist phrases, as they washed over his hippocampus, and settled to the bottom of his frontal lobes. Perhaps only such deep teaching could explain Barack’s instinctual, knee-jerk and inspired leftist leadership. We all ought to be thrilled his mother provided this bedrock layer of socialist instruction, producing a permanent hypnotic effect, leaving a thick residue of Marxist convictions lasered across his quivering, protoplasmic psyche.

Undoubtedly such mantras as these covered his room: “Question Authority,” “Make Love, Not War,” “Hell No, We Won’t Go!”, “God is Dead,” “Peace,” “Drop Acid, Not Bombs,” “Black Power,” “What If They Gave A War And Nobody Came,” “Tune-in, Turn-on, and Drop-out,” “Beware the Man,” “Flower Power,” “Don’t trust Anybody Over Thirty,” and even “Workers of the World Unite; You Have Nothing to Lose But Your Chains.” Was the Desiderata poster (“Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence…”) on their peeling walls, or perhaps a stained print of Kahlil Gibran’s magnificent “The Prophet”? Of course, there would have been the requisite shots on the walls of the Beatles crossing Abbey Road, a sweating Jimmy Hendrix contorting onstage, and the grave Che Guevara staring off into space, fantasizing about dispatching more capitalists, as well.

The mentality of Sixties leftism undoubtedly seeped deeply into the tot’s primal gray matter. Were there also daily readings to the lad of Das Kapital, eye-witness accounts of the French Revolution, or Howard Zinn’s A People’s History of the United States? We will never know. But we can at least posit Mao’s Little Red Book would be a more likely occupant of the shelf than the sickeningly capitalistic Little Red Hen.


America Sucks

Yep, it sure does, folks! Obama stated in an April 2010 overseas speech in Strasbourg, France, “there have been times where America’s shown arrogance and been dismissive, even derisive.” Of course, this is true. And we ought not fool ourselves into thinking that the United State’s entry into both WWI and WWII and the Korean War were done for anything other than selfish reasons, like building Empire USA. The $35 billion given by America to developing countries in 2007 was likewise self-centered, as too were the trillions given in the last century, since we are just trying to develop trade partners. But America is the world’s bully, forcing capitalism down the throats of communitarians all the world over until they gag, and this ought not be. (link)

War is Murder

Barack Obama cannily positioned himself for presidency by proclaiming himself against the Iraq War while an Illinois state official. Then he ran on this visionary policy.  After election, Barack was going to empty the Guantanamo camps of terrorists and pull the troops out of Iraq almost immediately. The fact he has not fulfilled these promises does not mean he was insincere, a callow dupe, or that his spirited college-protest level of campaign rhetoric ran into the brick wall called “reality” after he was installed. His taking 6 months deciding to add troops to Afghanistan was mere prudence. Prosecuting Navy Seals for “punching a terrorist” is a simple application of the Miranda Rights which foreigners have been awaiting ever since Hill Street Blues was translated into Arabic. (link)

Capitalism is Dirty & Vile

Capitalism destroys people and the earth, according to Obama. We all know this is true. Barack’s pilot Karl Marx wrote, “The representation of private interests ... abolishes all natural and spiritual distinctions by enthroning in their stead the immoral, irrational and soulless abstraction of a particular material object and a particular consciousness which is slavishly subordinated to this object.” (from “On the Thefts of Wood.”) Ouch! So, if Capitalism is bad, that must mean the least capitalistic societies are the best. The country with the lowest per capita earnings multiplied the highest inflation must be Zimbabwe, which makes this the best anti-capitalist country in the world, and so our best role model. President Robert Mugabe’s policies of confiscating land from those descended from European stock, and giving it to poor original African laborers rightly delights Barack. And the yearly inflation rate of 89,700,000,000,000,000,000,000.0%, (according to the CATO Institute), will make him wet his pants in anticipation for what is in store for the US the next few years, Stateside.

Socialism, or Brutha – Can Ya Spare a Dime?

Obama cares about the little guy, like all good socialists. He’s even busied himself learning how to redistribute wealth efficiently so we may all have a truly equitable society, with fairness and stuff for all. Barack has stated, “I think when you spread the wealth around, it’s good for everybody.”* Obama also commentated, “The truth is most Americans don’t want much. Folks don’t want the whole pie. Most Americans feel blessed to thrive a little bit, but that’s out of reach for them. The truth is, in order to get things like universal health care and a revamped education system, someone is going to have to give up a piece of their pie so that someone else can have more.” Just like in the game Monopoly, all wealth ought be confiscated for the start of a new game and slowly doled out. Then, whoever wins needs to be imprisoned to teach everyone a lesson about the Golden Rule, selfishness and excess wealth, and all their stuff redistributed.

Revolution is the Answer

Any good Marxist worth her salt knowns that Socialist Revolution is necessary to bring the planet back into balance and crush the oppressors down like so many greedy cockroaches. Obama stated, “To avoid being mistaken for a sellout, I chose my friends carefully. The more politically active black students. The foreign students. The Chicanos. The Marxist professors and structural feminists.” Barack added like the true Hegelian he is, “My friends, we live in the greatest nation in the history of the world. I hope you’ll join me as we try to change it.” And that’s the Cha-Change we can believe in, friends!

Why Didn’t You Abort Me, Mama?!

Barack’s one published note during his time at the Harvard Law Review was an anonymous offering upon the need to keep abortion legal and with easy access for all females. Obama was also famous for voting for partial birth abortion while in the IL senate, when he wasn’t voting “present.” And thankfully he is wise enough to know that slavery is nothing like a mother’s ownership of her fetus. In fact, Barack knows pregnancy and child birth are often the worst kind of punishment for good women trying to follow their destiny, while keeping their feet on the ground and reaching for the stars. Further, Obama is too much a lover of humanity to allow any child to grow up in a substandard home, which is – by definition – a fate worse than death. He once stated, “...I’ve got two daughters. 9 years old and 6 years old. I am going to teach them first of all about values and morals. But if they make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby.”

America the Racist-ful

Is America racist? Of course it is! The 620,000 who died in the US Civil War were really just a cover-up for America’s continuing commitment to racism and slavery. Obama realizes this and said, “I found solace in nursing a pervasive sense of grievance and animosity against my mother’s race.” He also stated, “The point I was making was not that Grandmother harbors any racial animosity. She doesn’t. But she is a typical white person…” And, “That’s just how white folks will do you.” Fortunately, our president is a true visionary when it comes to the future, and also in assembling a wise cabinet. No wonder Attorney General Eric Holder bravely pointed out White America is a coward on race issues.

Political Correctness, I Kneel at Thy Shrine

President Barack Obama is the first president to realize the essential core truth at the heart of the Political Correctness movement (which varies intriguingly from example to example). Again, we must be thankful for having the exquisite combination of a politician, community organizer and prophet, all together in the same package. What a magnificent freak of nature! Fortunately, Obama realizes: Global Warming exists and must be stopped, despite naysayers; Capitalism is the problem in freely distributing wealth, not the solution; Abortion is a human right, not a crime against fetuses; The evil, thieving rich must share their funds with blameless poor; Whites pick all the fights, beating down the rest; The prayer of Islam is “one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset”; Health care must be free, even if every hospital is burnt to Pyrrhic ash; Cops are stupidly acting racists, unless they are people of color; Israel needs a swift kick; Socialism beats selfish capitalistic society, hands down, but communism trumps both; Taxes are to America what blood is to a turnip; Trade must be Capped, etc etc etc…

The Bill of Rights is Divisive

Obama is so mindful for our need to protect free speech for the whole US, that he is willing to sacrifice Talk Radio to the Fairness Doctrine, despite his personal love for Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh. In fact, he once commented upon this general topic, saying “You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing’s replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. And it’s not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren’t like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.”

It’s All Bushes Fault, 24/7, 365 x 4

Barack H. Obama is far too noble a character to ever blame anyone else for his own few mistakes. Yet, he is also honest enough to realize that the American people must be told the truth about the Hitleresque George W. Bush if we are ever going to learn and grow from our mistakes. So he has made up his mind to set the record straight. And Obama highlighted this in a budget speech, mirroring his gorgeously repetitive approach to addressing his predecessor: “The fact is, 10 years ago, we had a budget surplus of more than $200 billion, with projected surpluses stretching out toward the horizon. Yet over the course of the past 10 years, the previous administration and previous Congresses created an expensive new drug program, passed massive tax cuts for the wealthy, and funded two wars without paying for any of it—all of which was compounded by recession and by rising health care costs. As a result, when I first walked through the door, the deficit stood at $1.3 trillion, with projected deficits of $8 trillion over the next decade.” As was once written, if we always remember Geo W is the source of all our demons, we can say truly agree that… “Though Bushes American morning was cold, we can still be happy and warm; So if all do their Obama duty they need not fear harm.”


We see now that the wisdom of the ages is verily expressed on numberless liberal bumper stickers. It is the excrescence of a thousand lifetimes of leftist ruminations, profound socialist observations, spine-tingling Marxist prophecies, and the withering commentary of Alan Alda. Fortunately, we now have a president who has the vision, decency, bravery and common sense to realize this sublime truth, and follow his gut instincts even at the cost of annihilation of the entire Democrat Party and even the Liberal movement!

PS, whatever happened to that obnoxious revolutionary ‘70’s T-Shirt slogan, “Nuke the Gay Baby Whales”?

* Barack Obama defending his tax plan to Joe the Plumber, Toledo, OH, Oct. 12, 2008.


Only YOU can save CFP from Social Media Suppression. Tweet, Post, Forward, Subscribe or Bookmark us

Kelly OConnell -- Bio and Archives | Comments

Kelly O’Connell is an author and attorney. He was born on the West Coast, raised in Las Vegas, and matriculated from the University of Oregon. After laboring for the Reformed Church in Galway, Ireland, he returned to America and attended law school in Virginia, where he earned a JD and a Master’s degree in Government. He spent a stint working as a researcher and writer of academic articles at a Miami law school, focusing on ancient law and society. He has also been employed as a university Speech & Debate professor. He then returned West and worked as an assistant district attorney. Kelly is now is a private practitioner with a small law practice in New Mexico.

Commenting Policy

Please adhere to our commenting policy to avoid being banned. As a privately owned website, we reserve the right to remove any comment and ban any user at any time.

Comments that contain spam, advertising, vulgarity, threats of violence and death, racism, anti-Semitism, or personal or abusive attacks on other users may be removed and result in a ban.
-- Follow these instructions on registering: