They told us it was draconian. They tried to make sure we understood that wild meat-cleaver cuts would undermine the country. They warned us that the sequester would lead to the federal and societal meltdown unseen outside of a Mad Max film. We didn't listen. Now, the sequester is upon us and it's our solemn duty to chronicle the chaos and destruction that will surely result.
If you're reading this, it means you haven't lost your internet yet. That's good news and, perhaps, a ray of hope that our dangerous Nuclear power plants are still up and running. Obviously,
the cuts mean they'll begin melting down soon, but maybe this will give folks a chance to get to safe distance.
I'm not watching any news. The only TV's are upstairs and I assume, due to infrastructure cuts, that the power lines and cable wires have fallen. Since Maxine Waters says the
sequester will cost 170 Million Americans their jobs, and there were only 145 million Americans employed to begin with, there's obviously no one working on putting the system back together. There's a good chance this will be my last opportunity to contact you.
With no access to MSNBC, I'm forced to rely on less accurate sources of information. Mostly rumor. We hear things, even up here in the mountains. We're told the Navy has been forced to dry dock itself, while much needed repairs are delayed. Hundreds of thousands of soldiers have been furloughed and,
as President Obama warned, it has "jeopardized our military readiness."
A friend informed me that FBI and border patrol agents have been fired, leaving our borders unprotected. Millions of illegals are pouring into the country. In cities like Chicago, the streets are awash in crime and murder, as federal agents are unable to fight the good fight. Sure, all of this was happening before, but it's worse now, because - y'know - the sequester.
Similarly,
as Obama warned, "Emergency responders" have been decimated. "Their ability to help communities respond to and recover from disasters" has been degraded to the point where no one is left to bring me my morning coffee and croissant. Thus, I'm left to rot in my cellar, burning copies of the New York Times and Time Magazine in a garbage can for warmth and, of course, to heat my beans.
I have no idea what I'll do if the house catches fire. I'm sure,
like the local schools, the Fire Departments have given pink slips to all their workers.
Before you ask, yes, I've thought about leaving. Sometimes I wonder if I could hop on a plane and escape to Hawaii, or maybe a nice, stable, European country like France, Spain, Italy, or Greece. Pipe dreams. Even if I could survive the wasteland long enough to reach an airport, the 90 minute delays that have been caused by "air traffic controller cutbacks" would be the end of me. I'm just not cut out for that.
And please, don't even think about
recommending train travel. I'm not an animal.
My neighbor says Obama created this mess himself. I told him he was a fool. There's no way our beloved President would visit this destruction upon his own people. No one can convince me otherwise. I won't believe it until a White House official like
Gene Sperling says it's true, and that will never happen!
No, I have no choice but to ride this out here, in my basement - at least until Wednesday, when I have to be back in Hollywood to shoot a Chanel commercial with Brad Pitt. Good luck to you, and may God have mercy on your soul.
- Your friend, Ben
P.S. - Like a lot of low-information voters, I get a great deal of info from videos supplied by Reuters. They're a good source, right?
Wow. Sounds like it's tough sledding out in Aspen. Hopefully, things are better where you are. Below, we've attached the deeply informative Reuters video to which "Ben" refers. Anyone who would dare question its accuracy is clearly some kind of anti-American agitator.
The Sequester in 59 Seconds
