A few modest proposals…

Politics has always been about people and ideas. Some people have great ideas, but don’t have the people skills to actualize them, while others have really bad ideas that somehow find their way into the mainstream.

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Take the idea of free universal healthcare. Exactly what is it that convinces its proponents that unlimited access to health care at no charge is a good idea? We all know that something that’s free has no value and is in essence worthless. Yet we have a whole sector of society that doesn’t seem to ever have been to a party with an open bar. Those of us who have attended weddings where unlimited drinks were handed out free remember all the partially finished drinks standing around only to be picked up and poured away by the clean-up crew at the end of the night. What we need in Canada is a healthcare scheme that satisfies all those people who believe that visits to the doctor should be on the house, while at the same time providing the rest of us with a chance to keep our ailing family members around a little longer. The answer? Virtual healthcare. For all those who want free access to soviet-style healthcare, the government could provide virtual doctors and nurses via the Internet. That way those who enjoy waiting can wait for as many years as they want for virtual treatment of their virtual illnesses while the rest of us have a chance to visit real doctors that we pay with real money to help us get better. Just think how much money governments could save by putting their entire healthcare services on line and having a central computer deal with their virtual patients. In Ontario, where the healthcare budget is in the neighborhood of nearly $50 billion a year, the government could reduce healthcare spending by some $49.5 billion that they could then use to hand out to low-income families, aboriginal peoples, the arts, women’s’ groups, gays, lesbians, the handicapped and visible minorities. Imagine how wonderful everyone would feel. Similarly, education takes up a huge chunk of governments’ annual budgets and the results, which we judge by the most recent crop of graduates, leave a fair amount to be desired. Currently in Ontario there is debate about easing up on homework for the kids so that they may “achieve a balanced family life”. I think that’s a wonderful idea, albeit I don’t believe the government has gone far enough to ease the burdens of hapless students stuck in the onerous public school system. In order to fully and more perfectly balance students’ lives, the government should pass out high school diplomas along with birth certificates. Again, the savings to the government could be substantial, not having to build new schools, buy textbooks or computers or hire additional teachers and administrators. Passing out high school diplomas at birth also wouldn’t affect the overall skill levels of high school graduates and would give students a lot more time to text message their parents for that really “balanced family life”. Smokers have long borne the brunt of society’s displeasure. First they were relegated to the smoking sections of restaurants and bars. Then the government forced said restaurants and bars to install sealed and separately vented smoking areas into their establishments and just as the last one was finished, the government banned smoking in public places altogether. The reason that smoking has not been ruled completely illegal as a life-threatening activity is because of the billions that are being generated in tax revenue. A really good idea would be for the government to totally criminalize smoking, but also pass a law that required every person over the age of 18 to purchase at least one pack of cigarettes per day. That way the government would continue to take in its lucrative cigarette tax revenue while no one would smoke. Of course the government would have to make arrangements to collect all those cigarette packs on a daily basis for eventual destruction or even possible resale. It’s a process that could be so streamlined that those purchasing the pack of cigarettes every day need never actually touch the pack, as the cigarette machine could be programmed to flush the cigarette pack straight into the garbage chute. There seems to be a great deal of concern over immigration to Canada. Some think there isn’t enough of it others think it’s too restrictive while still others think we need greater diversity. The simple solution is to abolish the entire immigration bureaucracy in one fell swoop. All those Canada Customs and Revenue agents and all those port of entry officials could be retrained to be Welcome Wagon representatives that pass out free citizenship certificates and high school diplomas to everyone entering Canada. Again, the government would save oodles of money, we’d get a giant infusion of diversity while at the same time continue to enjoy the fastest population growth among G-8 countries. I understand these ideas are just rough formulations and need to be fleshed out, but they’re not bad, considering the quality of thinking we are currently getting from our elected officials.