When my boyhood best friend and mentor Jaybird lost his wife, I saw him cry for the first time. As the casket was lowered into the ground, he could hold back the tears no longer. After a while, with dry eyes, he put his arm on my shoulders, and said, “Let’s go home, boy.” Inwardly, he would continue to suffer; outwardly, he expressed the same courage and tranquility that had sustained him through so many periods of suffering and grief in his long life.
“Jaybird, what makes a real marriage?”
That summer evening as we sat on his front porch — an old black man and a white boy he loved as his own son — looking across Mississippi Delta cotton fields in which the two of us, side by side, toiled many long days, I asked him, “Jaybird, what makes a real marriage?”
“Marriages based on love provide something human beings must have to make life complete: companionship. Now that Thelma has been laid to rest, I am grateful for the companionship you and I share because it helps fill the void left by my wife’s death.
“A Marriage based on mutual commitment between husband and wife is one of the greatest blessings the Lord grants His children. When death ends such marriages, the Holy Ghost’s presence provides companionship that grows stronger through humble prayer, as does the companionship provided by friendship with others, which is why I am so thankful that I still have you, boy. As Jesus said, ‘Where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.’” Then he took my hand, bowed his head, and prayed quietly.
Jaybird believed that next to faith in God, a strong companionship through marriage provides what couples must have to face life’s sad times: each other. He knew that God never meant for people to pass through life and grow old alone. A woman needs a man on whom she can depend for support, just as a man needs a wife for the same reason.
Desperate to escape loneliness
My mentor believed that unmarried people, or those who marry for reasons other than love, are desperate to escape loneliness, often through destructive means, such as alcoholism, drug addiction, or acquiring material things of no lasting value. Sadly, when such people’s last days on earth approach, the truth comes too late and painfully clear: They missed one of life’s chief blessings.
Many years later, when my wife fought a ten-year, losing battle with cancer, Jaybird’s observations about companionship eased the pain, and an observation made by famed American writer Pearl Buck also provided comfort and reassurance:
“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.”
Loving companionship in marriage is a wellspring of happiness during life; in death, it becomes what it was on earth: a marriage made in Heaven.
Jimmy Reed is an Oxford, Mississippi resident, Ole Miss and Delta State University alumnus, Vietnam Era Army Veteran, former Mississippi Delta cotton farmer and ginner, author, and retired college teacher.
This story is a selection from Jimmy Reed’s latest book, entitled The Jaybird Tales.
Copies, including personalized autographs, can be reserved by notifying the author via email (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)).
When my boyhood best friend and mentor Jaybird lost his wife, I saw him cry for the first time. As the casket was lowered into the ground, he could hold back the tears no longer. After a while, with dry eyes, he put his arm on my shoulders, and said, “Let’s go home, boy.” Inwardly, he would continue to suffer; outwardly, he expressed the same courage and tranquility that had sustained him through so many periods of suffering and grief in his long life.
