The President of the United States issues an annual Thanksgiving Day Proclamation. In keeping with the
Center of American Progress’ suggestion that President Obama use his executive powers to circumvent Congress on a number of key issues that have stalled in Congress, why not also use the Thanksgiving Day Proclamation in a more progressive way?
Here are a just a few suggestions:
THANKSGIVING DAY, 2010
BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA A PROCLAMATION
In full apology for the crimes against humanity and Mother Earth committed by the Pilgrims in 1620 when they arrived uninvited on these shores and sullied the land, and in recompense thereof, I Barack Hussein Obama, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim this 25th day of November 2010 as Nikkomosachmiawene, the original name of the Wampanoag Native American tradition that the Pilgrims wrongly misappropriated and called Thanksgiving.
Further, I do hereby officially recognize the call for a
National Day of Mourning by the United American Indians of New England.
Further, I do hereby order the following by executive order under my executive authority:
- The Mayflower Compact (the 1620 Agreement Among the Settlers at New Plymouth), which now starts with the words “IN THE NAME OF GOD, AMEN,” shall be edited to expunge all references to God and religion.
- The Mayflower shall henceforth be renamed the Arabiya, in honor of the Muslim pilgrims who would have come to the New World to build a shining mosque on a hill if not for the Islamophobia that was already spreading throughout the wilderness.
- Amnesty shall be provided to all illegal aliens (except any of those who might have sneaked in from England) in recognition of the fact that the Pilgrims themselves were among the first illegal aliens to this land.
- The Macy’s Day Parade shall henceforth be banned as too materialistic and consumption-oriented.
- For health reasons, turkey meat with traditional stuffing shall be hereby replaced by either tofu in the shape of a turkey or dolma (stuffed vegetables) imported from Turkey.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of November 2010.
BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA
