Alexandria Occasionally-Coherent (AOC) Announces Reparations Plan

"So you want to pay blacks whose forebears were slaves--is that right?" asked the reporter "isn't that discriminatory? How about other groups who have been oppressed in the past?" "Well that is exactly right," Occasionally-Coherent replied, "this country has oppressed so many groups that it would be unfair to pay only blacks who descended from slaves; so I am expanding eligible groups in order to be all inclusive." "So how much are you going to pay and to whom?" "Well, I think $5,000 in oppression payments sounds about right--for each person who has descended from someone who has been oppressed in the past," Occasionally-Coherent replied. "You mean even relatives of Japanese Americans who were interned during World War 2?" "Well yes, I hadn't thought of that, but they should receive an oppression payment as well." "Native Americans such as Elizabeth Warren," Hugh inquired, "certainly the United States oppressed them too. Should they not receive oppression payments as well?" "Yes of course--them too." "And Hispanics?" "Yes if they have any relatives who were oppressed in the past, say when our country stole Texas from Mexico, they would be entitled to oppression payments."

"How about LGBT persons whose forebears were oppressed in the past--pay them too? Certainly you do not want to forget them." "Of course, "replied Occasionally-Coherent, "they should receive an oppression payment as well." "Okay," pressed Hugh, "how about Americans who are descendants of persons oppressed at several levels?" "What do you mean?" asked Occasionally-Coherent. "Well, for example a gay black person whose great grandmother was Native American--what then?" "I had not thought of that," Occasionally-Coherent conceded, "to be consistent and fair, he or she should receive three units of oppression payments or $15,000--one for descending from a slave, one for descending from a gay person who was discriminated against and one for his/her Native American blood." "But," said Hugh, "isn't this going to cost billions of dollars--assuming that you get past all the logistical problems with identifying these folks, documenting their heritage and determining all the possible permutations as in the case of multiple oppression levels? Money does not grow on trees you know." "Sure it does," replied AOC confidently, "we have hundreds of trillions of trees. We simply cut them down, make wood pulp, print paper money, and Government can afford anything. You just do not understand economics."

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