Anti-globalization protesters better at getting their message out

The G8 Summit meeting of world leaders has wrapped up leaving an important question unanswered.

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What exactly does the "G" stand for? Maybe "Great Eight" or "Groovy Eight" or "Gabbing Eight?" Given the tight security for the summit, perhaps the "G" actually stands for "Guarded." How tight was security at this year's summit in Japan? Well the Japanese called out 20,000 police officers, mobilized the coast guard, flew fighter jets over the meeting area and reportedly put Godzilla on standby alert. Such massive security measures might seem a little heavy-handed, but the fact is international summits attract protesters the way Britney Spears attracts paparazzi and sometimes these folks can get violent. At past summits, for instance, demonstrators fought with police, smashed store windows, and tossed Molotov cocktails; and there's only one way to stop their anti-social behaviour: Turn off the TV cameras. After all, what these protesters really want is to publicize their anti-globalization views. And they do a better job at getting their message out than the G8 leaders. Typically when the G8 Summit ends the leaders issue a bland joint communique. Something like this: "DEAR WORLD: "We have met for the past few days to discuss important issues such as climate change, the global economy and French President Nicolas Sarkozy's love life. "And rest assured, after pooling our collective wisdom, we have decided upon a course of action, which is to meet again next year so we can discuss more important issues at another G8 Summit meeting. "We hoped you all enjoyed the photo-ops of us leaders standing in a row against a backdrop of beautiful Japanese scenery." Needless to say, stuff like this leaves people a little cold. What the G8 leaders should do is issue a communique aimed at the protesters: "DEAR PROTESTERS: "Thank you for attending this year's G8 Summit. We hoped you enjoyed your stay. And by the way, your anti-capitalist slogans are getting catchier every year. "However, even though your message is trendy, it's also just plain wrong. "Your opposition to globalization, for instance, doesn't make sense. Globalization means more of the world is embracing freer enterprise and freer trade. "That's a good thing. "In fact, thanks to globalization the world is getting wealthier. The economies of China and India, just to cite two examples, are growing by leaps and bounds. "That's why there is such an increased demand for oil. Suddenly people around the globe are rich enough to buy cars and air conditioners and God help us, those annoying leaf blower things. "What this shows is that foreign aid and rock concerts don't help those mired in poverty, but good old-fashioned commerce does. "To put it another way, the best way to help poorer countries is to buy more of the stuff they produce. GOOD FOR ENVIRONMENT "And this growing prosperity is good for the environment. That's because richer societies have more resources to invest in 'green' technologies and can afford to seek out cleaner alternatives to fossil fuels. "We realize you won't buy any of this. But that's only because you care more about your antiquated ideologies than you do about actually ending poverty. "Have a good summer." Of course, the G8 will never issue such a statement because if there's one word the "G" definitely doesn't stand for, it's "Gutsy."

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