ATTORNEY GENERAL LORETTA LYNCH TO ORGANIZE LOVE TRAIN TO SYRIA

"Good morning Ms. Attorney General," Hugh said reverently as he pulled the bag off his head, "I assume you want to discuss the recent attack by the Muslim terrorist in Orlando." "Please do not swear in this office, Hugh, we have strict rules on that here at the White House," she replied in an unusually stern voice. "What do you mean?" Hugh asked, stunned by her tone of voice. " We do not use the M-word in this house, nor do we use the T-word here--they are disrespectful and inappropriate." "But," Hugh said meekly, "the M-T who killed those people certainly proclaimed allegiance to ISIS while he was slaughtering those poor folks in the Pulse club certainly was Islamic---"

"--Stop it!" Lynch shouted, plugging her ears with her fingers "We do not use such language here--the I-word is also forbidden!" "But those M-Ts who cut off heads, burn people alive, drown them in cages, blow their heads off with detcord, and who have slaughtered dozens of our fellow citizens, certainly deserve to be called what they are don't you think? I mean, after all, did not the M-T in Orlando yell "Allahu Akbar " as he gunned them down?" "The American public has it all wrong. These Muslim Terrorists as you call them, are simply misunderstood. God , I hate to even say those words...but anyway, they are not bad people. The President and I believe they are simply unloved, unemployed young men, driven crazy by Global Warming who--if they were just loved and had jobs like you and me--would never do such things as they have done. They are just unhappy people whose beliefs must be understood, differ from ours, and suffer from a lack of affection. Had I been at the Pulse bar to hug him, I am sure I could have stopped this unfortunate act and saved some lives." "So...." replied Hugh, nonplussed. "So, the President and I have decided to change our tactics. We will no longer hate these poor unfortunate souls; rather, we are going to love them to death." "What?"

"Yes, I have orders to organize a Love Train of well-intentioned, open minded and loving Americans--mainly Democrats, but there may be a few Republicans who will go--which will meet ISIS fighters on their turf--in Syria. We are planning to hold a peace rally, meet them, try to understand where they are coming from, let them know we love them, sing around a big campfire, hold hands, drink lattes and sing our old favorite, Kum Ba Yah. It will be wonderful and we are certain we can love them into submission." "And who will lead this Love Train?" Hugh asked in disbelief. " The President, myself, Sean Penn, Rev. Al Sharpton, and any number of volunteers from Congress and from the public. Hillary has also expressed some interest as well. So far our private inquiries have not resulted in a lot of volunteers but we expect a huge response from the public in time. There will also be entertainment so that will be fun." "Entertainment?" asked Hugh "Yeah, Paul McCartney is going to sing 'All You Need is Love'." "Wow." "Yeah, and Yusuf Islam Bin Bombin, formerly known as Cat Stevens, will also perform at the Love Fest." "Really, but he is now a radical M-person who called for the assassination of the author Salman Rushdie after his so called conversion to Islam..." "Yeah," replied Lynch, "but he has received special dispensation from his Imam. He will be allowed to sing his old hit "Peace Train" one time without getting his head cut off." © 2016 William Kevin Stoos