In a rare interview with Stoos Views, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, shown here with his pet parrot, Pepe, modeled a new line of clothing soon to be marketed by him under the brand name “Hugo!” ®
Speaking through an interpreter, the Venezuelan strongman, who has amassed billions in personal wealth and ruled the country with an iron hand while half his subjects live at or below the poverty line, confessed:
“Sure I have accomplished much. I have salted away billions of dollars in oil money for my own personal retirement fund, built CITGO stations which drain hundreds of millions of petrodollars from the Gringo economy, integrated my military with Cuba’s, bought Russian arms and ammunition, become a Chinese puppet, established a bloc of anti-American left wing socialist countries in South America, and lived a lavish lifestyle while half of my countrymen starve, but somehow all these accomplishments are not enough. I need a new challenge,” he said wistfully. “So, I have decided to pass the ball to the younger generation. The results of the last election have shown me it is just a matter of time before the people take back their own country and tire of the censorship, the corruption, the narco-government, the jailings, the stifling of dissent, and kick me out. I would like to go out while I am still on top. Besides, I am tired of entertaining smarmy left-wing American actors like Sean Penn--who have never met a dictator they did not like--and it will be nice not to have to hang out with the likes of him. Fidel and I always laugh about this--Penn just loves to suck up to us.”
Chavez, shown here demonstrating his “Bird of Paradise” ensemble, noted, “I have always wanted to design and market obnoxious, flamboyant clothing to fit my personality, so I decided to retire and promote my new collection. Soon, the rest of the world can look as good as I.” Chavez told Stoos Views in closing that he plans to retire in Florida where he will promote his new line and manage his CITGO stations. “It is quite a departure from what I am doing, but, hey, I need a change.”
As he turned to leave Hugo and Pepe, the reporter asked: “Is he trainable?” “No,” the parrot replied in perfect English, “he is just a fat loser.”
-Satire
“His newest book, The Wind and the Spirit (Stories of Faith and Inspiration)” was released in 2011 with all the author’s royalties go to support the Carmelite sisters.”
In a rare interview with Stoos Views, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, shown here with his pet parrot, Pepe, modeled a new line of clothing soon to be marketed by him under the brand name “Hugo!” ®
