An analogy: One day a couple’s little daughter comes crying to the father, saying “Tommy hit me!” So the dad summons his boy, gives him a tongue lashing and says, “Now, if you hit your sister again, you’re going to be sorrier than you can imagine!”
So everything is OK for a few hours. But then the girl comes bawling again. “Tommy kicked me!” she wails to dad.
So, livid, the father grabs the boy and says, “That’s it! You’re finished now! You know what I told you just this morning!”
“No, no, dad,” interjects Tommy, unfazed. “You said not to hit Sarah. You didn’t say anything about not kicking her!”
Now, what if the father then replied, “Well, ya’ got me there, kiddo! That’s some good lawyering! I should’ve phrased that more clearly!”?
“Here’s your allowance.”
Ridiculous? Insane? Yes, but it’s also something else.
Textualism.
The father’s “ruling”—ignoring his “law’s” true meaning in favor of wording and denying his daughter justice—was absurd. But it’s no more so than thinking a slavery-inspired, 1866 constitutional provision should be used to justify anchor-baby artifice by third millennium Third Worlders.
In other words, even if “subject to the jurisdiction thereof” could somehow be interpreted to cover illegals, it matters that the line’s author himself specified otherwise. It wouldn’t matter, though, to “textualists”; their reading Trump’s a framer’s meaning—in their minds.
It’s crazy. For just as how it’s said that the Constitution is not a suicide pact, constitutional interpretation is not supposed to be a stupidity pact.