Doing the Hard Things with Joy

Somehow, in the scope of home management projects, the task of taking out the trash has fallen to me. It is not that hard to do, it is just a messy, smelly job most days. I am sure my wife would happily trade taking out the trash with cleaning the bathroom. That is a task that has fallen to her. If I said she was good at it, would that make things worse or better?

In order to make things run smoothly, everyone has tasks that they need to do. Some are fun tasks, like cleaning up for a visit by the grandkids – more fun before the visit, but still fun after as we reflect on the times we had together.

I like taking the dog for a haircut, because of how good he looks when it is over; and the absence of dog hair in the house for a few days.

But then there are things we don’t like to do. Some of these things are hard things, like a sit-down with a student who has demonstrated unethical behavior by cheating on an exam or by plagiarism. It is hard to haul yourself up out of bed after being sick or away for a long weekend; but we need to work in order to put food on the table. What about sitting across from an employee for a discipline meeting or a termination? I have done both, more times than I care to remember.

These are hard things. No one likes to be honest with other people because it is a hard thing. That is why in HR circles, managers are told that they must say hard things to employees in order to make sure that they are not just giving inflated performance scores to employees. But most managers don’t like to do that. Tamra Chandler, an HR expert writing about managers’ lack of hard conversations with employees in performance appraisals, says that “90 percent or more of employees reviewed [by managers] end up in the “Meets,” “Exceeds,” or “Significantly Exceeds” category. In short, managers tend “to be more ‘nice’ than ‘accurate’” (Chandler, 2016).

Is it possible that we can learn to do the hard things with joy? Why would it be a joyful thing to tell someone about uncomfortable behaviors? Wouldn’t I rather take out the trash or clean the bathroom?

On one hand, doing the hard work of being candid and honest with people shows respect for the dignity of the individual. We tell people hard things because we love them, or at least because we respect them as uniquely gifted individuals. According to Banks and Stevens (1997), the manager’s role is perceived to be one with a "sacred responsibility" towards their employee, to competently manage and train their people for success (Banks & Stevens, 1997). Another author wrote that it is the manager’s role and greatest challenge to achieve optimum performance from all his/her people (Furnham, 2002). From the spectrum of research on management theory, there is clear evidence that people development is a significant responsibility ascribed to managers. Sometimes this only happens through hard conversations.

Ben Horowitz’s book The Hard Thing About Hard Things (2014) starts by telling the story of a roller-coaster ride in starting, building and saving a start-up business. While this is an exciting read filled with incredible ups and downs, the second half of the book is most noteworthy. It describes the hard things about managing people as you build a business. One website reviewing the book quoted Horowitz’s thoughts on hard discussions with people development:

“The hard thing isn’t setting a big, hairy, audacious goal. The hard thing is laying people off when you miss the big goal. The hard thing isn’t hiring great people. The hard thing is when those “great people” develop a sense of entitlement and start demanding unreasonable things” (Horowitz, 2014).

In the book, Horowitz says that sometimes you have to say hard things to people because some of the people with whom you start the business will not be the ones who will be able to lead your organization forward to achieve its vision. So you can say hard things to people in love because you respect them. You can say hard things to people because you want them to grow. Sometimes you must say hard things to people, as Horowitz says, because they will not be the people helping your organization move forward.

You can also say hard things to people because you care about their eternal destiny. That is one of two things we are warned never to discuss: religion and politics. Yet there is the reality of hell (see Luke 16:19-31); and the challenge of Jesus Christ for us to tell His story to the world (Matthew 28:18-20).

Do I want my students or my neighbors or my own family to suffer eternal separation from God because I have not had a hard conversation with them? No, I don’t. So am I willing to do the hard things and broach the subject of salvation with an unbeliever? I have been thrown out of places; I have been maligned and mocked; I have been yelled at and scolded. It’s all part of the job when you care about people’s eternal destiny.

We can say and do hard things with joy, knowing that this was the motivation of Jesus: He was pleased to do the hard things, and said that He could only do what He saw the Father doing (John 5:19). It was said of Jesus that “Because of the joy awaiting Him, He endured the cross, disregarding its shame” (Hebrews 12:2 NLT). How much would I have loved for Him to come down off that cross when He was mocked to show those ignorant religious leaders just who He was. But He had to experience a hard thing in order for us to experience the most amazing things. He experienced the hard things for us, because He loved us; because He wanted us to grow closer to God; and because He cared about our eternal destiny.

Author and Pastor AW Tozer, in a series of messages captured in the book, Cloud by Day, a Fire by Night (2019), described Israel’s journey across the desert from Egypt to the promised land. Tozer uses many catchphrases which remind us that we will face hard things, but in facing them, there is opportunity for redemption. Tozer says that, “with every battle, there is a blessing waiting.” When the Israelites pulled back in fear, they suffered greatly. 

When they finally trusted God and faced doing the hard things to enter the place God had promised to them, Tozer said that “delayed blessings are sometimes the greatest.” With every hard thing, there is opportunity for growth, Tozer wrote – so “appreciate the crisis experience.” “There is a Canaan waiting for each of us,” according to Tozer (2019). One last thought about doing the hard things with joy: we can do the hard things with joy as Jesus did (Hebrews 12:2) because there is joy in the journey. 

We never know how much time we actually have. Why waste our days being bitter and frustrated over things that don’t go our way, or things out of our control? Let us be like the kid who finds manure in his room and starts digging. He doesn’t focus on the manure but says to himself, “I know there’s a pony in here somewhere.” 

Let the hard things be a blessing that we dig through looking for the blessing on the other side as we move ever closer to our Canaan land of promise. Let not the hard thing be the object of our attention, but digging through those hard things, let us seek the joy that is waiting for us on the other side.

But in order to get there, we face many hard things: ethical battles and difficult people and organizational obstacles and fearful challenges, all hard things that challenge our faith and where we place our confidence. When we faithfully choose to do the hard things before us, our reward may not be a big bank account or any earthly treasure. But certainly, trusting God through the hard things will give us many joys here on earth; and more than anything an eternal reward of living in His presence (John 17:3). 

What’s not to love about that? Life is really all about how we face these hard things, isn’t it? We experience hard things on the way to even more exciting things.

Sorry, got to go now – I get to take out the trash tonight!

Sources:

• Banks, R. J., & Stevens, R. P. (1997). Firing. The Complete Book of Everyday Christianity: An A-To-Z Guide to Following Christ in Every Aspect of Life. Downers Grove, Ill: InterVarsity Press.
• Chandler, M.T. (2016). How Performance Management is Killing Performance – and What To Do About It. Oakland, CA: Berrett-Koehler. Except retrieved from https://bthechange.com/8-reasons-why-the-performance-review-is-universally-hated-f3328cf3c982.
• Farnam Street (n.d.). The Hard Thing About Hard Things. Brain Food: Farnam Street [Web Blog]. Retrieved from https://fs.blog/the-hard-thing-about-hard-things/.
• Furnham, A. (2002). Managers as Change Agents. Journal of Change Management, 3, 21.
• Horowitz, B. (2014). The Hard Thing About Hard Things. New York: Harper Business.
• Tozer, A.W.; Snyder, J.L. (2019). Cloud by Day, a Fire by Night: Finding and Following God's Will for You. Bethany House.