Fall Arrives & Some Final Garden Chores

“Ah, autumn in LA, when the stagehands spray the leaves such pretty colours, ” observed Conan O’Brien.

In less salubrious climes, we prepare for the following season. Bulb planting proceeds apace in those spaces vacated by played-out annuals. Perennials other than ornamental grasses and euphorbia are cut back to an inch from the ground. Any perennials that have become too massive can be dug up, split and the old centre discarded. The remainder is replanted or presented to thrilled neighbours and in-laws and out-laws. Tender tropical perennials such as hibiscus, bougainvillea and fuchsias can be brought inside after having this year’s growth trimmed back by three-quarters. Cane begonias such as ‘Dragon Wing’ variety make fine houseplants over winter. Impatiens and geraniums must be cut hard back before potting up and bringing indoors. Wait until frosts have killed the tops of tuberous dahlia, begonia, canna and caladium then dig up, clean off all soil, and store in boxes of bone-dry peat moss in a dark, cool but frost-free place over winter.

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Is anything left? Yes – roses, which can be safely left until next month along with the final mowing of the lawn. And of course there are leaves to be cleaned up – as every son of the soil knows many an old rake has become a good gardener.

Diversion No. 1

Tiny grass is smiling at you and asking you to make the round of your road – a sign seen in Xian, China by Daily Telegraph reader Katrin Winter.

The problem with squash is squunk. Not a word? I know, says Michael Tortorella, New York Times. But there ought to be an unsavoury term for the off-taste of a winter squash, he suggests, adding that it curls the tongue and purses the lips. And it haunts the gardener who aims to make a pie out of fresh pumpkin or winter squash for Thanksgiving. He’s welcome to his opinion but, truth be told, the stuff that comes out of a can labelled ‘pumpkin pie filling’ is #-up squash. If you desire the Real McCoy, purchase a pie pumpkin from the local grocer, cut, cook, mash and bake in a pastry shell with cinnamon, nutmeg and ginger.

Diversion No. 2

Tauranga, New Zealand naturist Andrew Pointon was appealing his conviction for gardening and mowing his lawns in the nude. Pointon had been convicted of two offensive behaviour charges in May after a defend hearing. Justice Paul Heath reserved his decision, reported The New Zealand Herald. Subsequently the Bay of Plenty Times under the uninhibited headline reported the decision: Naked Gardener Loses Appeal.

Thinking of planting lily bulbs in the garden this fall? If you’re a pet owner you might want to reconsider. Research recently published in the Veterinary Journal from the U.K. warns that lilies can prove fatal to cats. A total of 261 cases of cats poisoned by lilies between 1994 and 2008, along with onions, leeks, garlic and chives, were recorded. All are also poisonous to dogs, along with daffodil bulbs, rhododendrons and yews. Avoiding such feline fatalities may be a simple as confining them to the home although pots of fresh chives or lilies in floral arrangements or in pots may prove equally lethal. The problem lies in the fact that both cats and dogs indulge in tasting what they encounter. In the U.K. at least this has raised another hazard for the pet pooch: the snail-borne parasite called Angiostrongylus varorum. Dogs have become infected by this lungworm after eating the snails or slugs that have proliferated during the recent deluges that have descended upon the British Isles.

Diversion No. 3

U.S. Customs and Border Patrol officers at a New Mexico checkpoint discovered a 35-year-old Mexican man sprawled facedown in a load of red-hot chilli peppers that filled a transport truck's open-air trailer. A bottle of tequila lay alongside him and he appeared drunk, according to a statement from the agency. Before being returned whence he came. He told authorities he had hoped to reach Chicago.

Turning to the inside scene, the larger permanent indoor plants are starting to recognize the shortening days by slowing their growth. The message to their caregivers: watch the water. It can be amazing just how long they may go without H2O. Yucca and ponytail palm as succulents should be permitted to become bone dry between waterings. Rather than a weekly drenching, think in terms of every two, three or even four weeks. Professionals will tell of how the commonest reason for the demise of plants in the home is from overwatering. And room temperature water, please. You may enjoy a cold shower; tropical plants do not.

Diversion No. 4

Pumpkin Hollow Corn Maze, Lumsden, Saskatchewan is the place to go for Halloween, suggests Sabina Doyle in Canadian Traveller magazine. If you think walking through a maze sounds like a good time, try racing through one, she suggests. The annual Screaming Pumpkin Family Fun Run is a charity five-kilometre run or two-kilometre walk, each of which includes a one-kilometre through the maze. Participants are encouraged to sport their finest Halloween costumes or the 20 October event.

The end of the month promotes the appearance of all things Halloween. Not the least of these, of course, are pumpkins. A thoroughly cucubited-off Michael Tortorella in the New York Times opined, “Field pumpkins (Cucurbita pepo) which are most suitable for carving into jack-o‘-lanterns or feeding to donkeys.” Purist gardeners will insist though that such pumpkins are in all truthfulness squash. That can of pie filling may be labelled ‘pumpkin’ but in fact, as we wrote above, is squash. Groucho Marx was wont to tease: “I say, ‘don’t you know? He’s quit the game and taken up squash.’ This baffles them. A lot of people have only heard of squash as a low-grade vegetable and they can’t understand why anyone should want to stand in a cheap restaurant and throw vegetables.” But Halloween is also a time of ghosties and ghoulies and long-legged beasties and things that go thump in the night. But why do ghouls and demons get on so well? Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend. Sorry ‘bout that – it was irresistible. Spare a thought for poor acidic Dorothy Parker who was not enamoured with the season’s festivities: “Ducking for apples – change one letter and it’s the story of my life.” Oh well, you can’t win ‘em all.