Father's Day Contemplations

Father’s Day is not what it was intended to be according to the original concept of the “mother” of the day to honor fathers, Sonora Smart Dodd. In the politically and socially divisive landscape across America today, people have trouble identifying a real father. Mrs. Dodd’s idea was born from listening to a sermon on Mother’s Day in her local church in Washington state. Sonora Smart was sixteen when her mother died. Being the only daughter, she took on a mother’s role to help her father raise her five brothers. The history is well worth reading, but America is much different from the early 1900s when the first Father's Day celebrations were observed.

Yet in those days, as now, families were severely threatened when fathers went missing from the home. Whether through war, hazardous employment conditions leading to disability or even death, debilitating diseases, or simply going AWOL, the loss of the father in the family meant a devastating impact upon the home. In Sonora Smart’s family, they suffered with the loss of her mother. Her dad, William Jackson Smart, was a Civil War veteran, and he dedicated himself to raising all six children, according to Mrs. Dodd. She is quoted as sharing that her father was "a very strict man, a real disciplinarian," but also a "kind and loving parent who kept us together and happy."

The story of the creation of Father’s Day is inspiring to me because as an adopted child, I never knew my biological father. But, that did not really leave emotional scars because the father I had known through my life was the dad who raised me as a loving parent doing his best to keep the family together despite serious challenges. But, I have learned, after a fairly long life, that I was incredibly fortunate being adopted into a loving family. The horror stories I learned of as I grew up caused me to wonder why families in the land of freedom and a “land of plenty” were so messed up.

Later, I realized that the human sexual impulse was deliberately excited and ignited by our corrupt culture. Unwanted babies were being born into the world or aborted before they saw the light of day. Life was snuffed out by mothers who saw the living being inside of them as a nuisance and a non-person. It reminded me that under slavery throughout human history slaves were viewed as non-human. Over time, I realized that a real functional family, a place where one could learn love, was an incredible blessing. Of course, not all was “sweetness and light” as my dad was a blue collar worker and sometimes job security meant being someone easy for bosses to get along with and someone who would risk his own health to provide for his wife and four children.

I understood what Mrs. Dodd meant as she shared stories about her father. But, a great many kids are estranged from their parents for a multitude of reasons. There are the usual stories, often having been dramatized to paint the picture of the alcoholic or the drunk of a dad who beat up his wife or kids. There are the stories of the drug addicted, the mentally deranged, or downright evil fathers who would habitually abuse their own children, either physically or sexually. There are even stories of parents who sold their own children. Such stories were told to me by people I’d met over the years, or personal acquaintances who were simply confiding in me.

Hearing such nightmares, I almost started to feel guilty for experiencing a decent family life. I almost lost my sense of gratitude for my hard-working dad who was just trying to get by and provide for his family as best he could. However, the love was real and I saw it as a foundation for who I became as a man. And, despite never meeting my biological “father,” I really never felt I lacked a “real father” because a good man was willing to sacrifice himself to call me his son, and he is the father I am moved to love.

If one permits it, Father’s Day offers us all an opportunity to think our: “what if’s” or “if only’s.” Many fathers or sons or daughters have moments of regret from time to time looking back on moments we would rather have back – that is, if we are courageous enough to look back on such moments of regret. Often those moments become like chains with heavy anchors upon our hearts, holding us back from being real and being willing to accept our limitations to enjoy more genuine relationships with those we love. This is true between parents and children, or between siblings. Sometimes a family foundation becomes the true testing grounds for the development of genuine bonds of love.

An example is offered in a famous movie from a few years ago with the subplot of a poor father-son relationship with the opportunity to relive a simple game of catch that could heal the regrets of the heart. For those who remember the movie, “The Field of Dreams,” Iowa farmer Ray Kinsella had deep regrets over his very poor relationship with his father. Such deep regret spawned the idea for the “Field of Dreams” and the faith that “if you build it, he would come.” This movie became a powerful allegory for me because it opened up multiple levels of meaning.

In “The Field of Dreams,” Ray Kinsella is dealing with the memory of his deceased father, only visible because of an imaginary story line. As Father’s Day originated in a church and we celebrate it on a Sunday, a natural consequence is that our personal relationship with our invisible Father in Heaven could be considered on Father’s Day. For those of genuine faith, God is not imaginary, but real. So, for such people of faith, do they ever consider personal moments of regret with the Father in Heaven? Of course this would presuppose a personal relationship with God through healthy and regular communication as with any other tangible relationship.

“The Field of Dreams” is a powerful allegory for me because the movie seemed much more significant when applicable to our own relationships with the Heavenly Father. In many ways, we are like Ray Kinsella (whether sons or daughters of our Heavenly Father)--we either have a relationship with such a Father, or we do not. It is that simple. And if people have a relationship with an invisible God via faith, it is either healthy, developing, underdeveloped, or really weak. This understanding is not a religious perception. It could be construed to be, but it is not. Each human being has the capability for relationships without having an institution as a mediator. Yet, people often deem it necessary.

Yet, we are “wired” to have relationships and especially a relationship with our Father in Heaven--good, bad, or ugly. We decide how that functions or does not. God has made Himself known to His children through multiple channels. It is for us to respond to Him, for He has given us so much--even His son to show us what a father-son relationship with God would look like. In “The Field of Dreams,” building the field brings his dad to come. The “field” is a foundation for the work of maintaining our relationships. Father’s Day does give us all an opportunity to reconsider our relationships with our fathers, even our Father who art in Heaven.