I Would Rather Trust a Chimp

The recent New York Post cartoon showing a police officer shooting dead a chimpanzee, immediately prompted a very public and very predictable display of indignation from the Right Reverend Al “Show Biz” Sharpton--who never met a camera he did not like or a cause too trivial to champion. Of course, anyone who has read the news or watched TV in the past two days knows of the terrible tragedy involving a 200 pound pet chimp (owned by the most reckless person on the earth), which attacked and mauled a lady, who is now in serious condition--God bless her.

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As everyone knows, the Post cartoon was at once a parody of the shooting of the killer chimp by the police and a commentary on the unpopularity (in most corners) of the so called stimulus bill--recently signed by Obama who returned from a leisurely vacation after nearly shrieking about how crucial it was for Congress to act on the stimulus bill immediately. Of course, the Right Reverend Sharpton--the only person on the planet who looked at the cartoon and thought of President Obama, construed it as a racist insult, and demanded an apology from the Post--missed the point entirely and showed once more that he fires before he takes aim. Clearly, the bill was drafted by Nancy and Barney (See, Canada Free Press and Stoos Views: “How Barney and Nancy Plan to Hose the American Taxpayer (I Got Your Stimulus Package Right Here)” (February 5, 2009) and not the President. While the chimp analogy does apply to Nancy and Barney, it does not apply to the President. He may be the trainer, but he is certainly no chimp. The Right Reverend Sharpton’s recent indignation eruption and his attempt to read into the cartoon that which is not there, did remind me of a story about chimps and the stimulus bill. I recall that, long ago, some statistics professor gave an example of probabilities. Since I was not good at statistics I probably did not take great notes. But the story goes that if a million chimps sat at typewriters randomly punching the keys constantly for a million years, perhaps, by accident, one might in time, be able to type the Declaration of Independence. Looking at the stimulus bill; the fact that no one in Congress had the time or inclination to read the whole thing in a matter of days; the fact that it will encumber our great-great-great-great grandchildren for the next two centuries; the fact that it would take a million years to count the dollars that Congress just appropriated for trivial pork projects, handouts to people who do not work and do not pay taxes, STD education, NEA funding, Frisbee parks, dog parks, and free ice cream for everyone; and the fact that very little of the money provided for in this bill is going to actually build things and put people to work, trained chimpanzees could likely have drafted a better bill. At least they could do no worse. The difference between Congress and a chimpanzee is simple: no chimp has ever assaulted my family or endangered its future. Copyright © 2009 William Kevin Stoos