Impressed with the Government’s Response to the Swine Flu Epidemic?

-Satire- “The Homeland Security Subcommittee on Emerging Threats, Cybersecurity, Science and Technology criticized the government’s handling of the swine flu epidemic, recently declared to be a ‘national emergency’ by President Obama” October 27, 2009 When ace reporter Hugh Betcha, Chief of the Public Health Bureau of the Stoos Views news conglomerate, visited his family doctor this week for a check up and seasonal flu vaccination, he was shocked to learn that the clinic had no flu vaccine. Neither did Walmart, Walgreens, the local hospital, the public health clinic, nor anyone else in town. In the Land of Hope and Change, where Uncle Sugar has promised to care for His people and administer their health care needs, it was impossible to believe that the country was already woefully short on the flu vaccine.

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“We’ve been out of the seasonal flu vaccine for weeks,” his doctor replied, “no one else in town has it either. We hope to get some in two weeks.” “How about the swine flu stuff?” Hugh asked. “Ditto there,” replied the doctor. “No one has that either.” “Is the swine flu here?” Hugh pressed him further. “Yup, ninety percent of the lab tests we send over have come back positive for H1N1, and not the seasonal flu. The seasonal flu does not seem to be here yet. The swine flu is here with a vengeance and there is no vaccine; the seasonal stuff is not here yet, and neither is the vaccine.” “Well, we can Hope for Change can’t we?” Hugh replied as he left the room. Concerned, Hugh called his daughter Catherine, who was working at the Emergency Room of a small town hospital in God’s Country, South Dakota. “Hey Doc, have you had your swine flu shot yet? “ “Are you kidding?” his daughter replied, “No one has had it.” “What happened to Obama’s pledge that health care providers would get the vaccine first because they are the front lines in the fight against the pandemic and exposed to it every day?” Hugh pressed, concerned for his daughter who sees sick patients each day. “It is a joke,” she replied. “We may be the front line, but we have no defenses. Sort of like the Administration response to the War in Afghanistan: too little, too late, and just a lot of talk.” Concerned about the Administration’s lack of any meaningful or timely response to what Obama recently declared a ‘national emergency’ Hugh did what he does best: he went straight to the top. A man who moves easily through the corridors of power in Washington because of his reputation as a tough minded, but fair journalist, Hugh hopped on a plane and headed to Foggy Bottom to meet with Senator Harry (We Know What is Best for the Taxpayers Even If They Don’t) Reid to get some answers. Hugh was ushered into Reid’s impressive Senate office. There he was met by Senator Reid, who sported a surgical mask and latex gloves. “What’s up with that?” Hugh inquired of Reid’s get up. “Well, between the smelly tourists walking through this place, and the flu epidemic, you just can’t be too careful nowadays,” Reid replied in a muffled voice. “I wear this all the time now.” Hugh got down to business immediately. “Senator, how long has the Government known about the pending threat of a swine flu epidemic?” “Well, about a year or so, but you know, we are working diligently on the problem,” he assured the reporter. “Why just the other day we got our supply in.” “What do you mean?”
 “All members of the House and Senate who so desire, have been vaccinated against the seasonal flu and the swine flu. We got ours already. We have our own private clinic of course.” “What about pregnant mothers, young people, and health care providers out there in middle America who are at risk right now?” “Don’t worry, theirs is coming. I am confident that we will have several million doses out there in no time, so some of the common folks can get it too. I can’t discuss the details, you know.” “Yeah, but Senator, you have had over a year to anticipate the crisis and react to it. There are already over one thousand deaths in this country from the swine flu.” “We sympathize with them certainly, but you have to understand that the Government is reacting to the crisis and we are on top of the situation. Just the other day the President declared a national emergency, so the situation is well in hand.” “When do you expect the remainder of the hundred fifty million or more doses that the government promised earlier this year?” “Well, like the terms of our National Health Care Public Option that I am working on right now, I cannot get into the details. But trust me, we are working on it. We know what is best for the people. Thirty million down and one hundred twenty million to go…we will make it eventually. ” “Can you explain, Senator, why it is that the First Family and members of the House and Senate got their vaccine when health care workers, pregnant mothers and young people still do not have theirs as yet?” “Well the answer is obvious,” the Senator scowled, “we in the Governing Class, are busy passing legislation, regulating the people’s lives, raising taxes, spending your money, and inventing new ways to control your lives and make them better. It is imperative that we remain healthy so we can run the Government. Can you imagine if Congress came down with the swine flu and we could not conduct business in Washington for weeks on end? What a tragedy that would be!” “What is the status of the Obama Universal Coverage for Health (O.U.C.H.) legislation that you are pushing in the Senate?” Hugh inquired. “Of course, I cannot get into the details.” “Has anyone in the Senate even read the proposed draft of your public option bill?” “No, and it is not necessary at this point. I have the situation well in hand. Once again, I cannot get into the details.” “What happens when the Government controls every aspect of our health care?” Hugh asked. “I promise you this: universal Government health care will be every bit as effective as the Government’s program to combat the swine flu,” Reid replied, confidently. With that, the reporter thanked Senator Reid for his time, and, full of Hope, left the room.