Is That A Microphone in Your Pocket Or Are You Happy To See Me?

Was it love at first sight or his own desire to run for public office some day that led Chris “Tingle” Matthews to drool over Barack Obama during the 2008 President election? Or was it a little of both? Whatever it was, Matthews, the proud recipient of the 2008 “Bambi” award for “Most Fawning Over a Politician by a National News Commentator,” makes no attempt to hide his man crush on the newly elected President. “Sure the media is supposed to be dispassionate and report the news objectively,” Chris Matthews told Stoos Views today in a candid “tell all” interview about his man crush on the new President, “but, hey, that went out the window with this guy,” he said, smiling as he pointed to his autographed portrait of President Obama which hangs prominently in the “Obama Room” in Matthews’ home. “He is so freaking hot!” Matthews replied, like a love struck high school kid. “Like Al Roker said during the inauguration, ‘Obama is one good looking guy’ and ‘he is one president who can take his shirt off.’ Frankly, I would like to see more of that,” Matthews replied sheepishly. “Talk about a stimulus package..he’s it!”

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Looking around Matthews’ “Obama Room,” it is clear that his relationship to the new President is anything but the typical President-reporter relationship. In addition to his normal reportage for MSNBC (More Sycophants Nuzzling Barack Constantly), Matthews started a national Obama Fan Club—of which he is the President—and spends his nights sending out membership cards and wallet size portraits of the new President to the ever increasing number of Obama Fan Club members across the country. Between the life size portrait of Obama that hangs prominently on the wall, the shelves of Obama memorabilia from the campaign which Matthews covered like a rock star groupie, the series of sexy “Obama at the Beach” shots of the new President striding out of the surf in Hawaii (“My favorites!” he gushed as he pointed to them) and the collection of scattered debris left on the National Mall which Matthews scooped up by the sack full after the President’s Inaugural Speech, the Obama Room is a testament to the “special “ relationship between this reporter and the new President. There was one awkward moment during the tour, when Matthews stopped in front of a glass case to remove what appeared to be several cigarette butts mounted on a felt board. “These were actually smoked by the President,” Matthews gushed, “how cool is that?” he said as he feigned a puff. “I sneaked one of his aides a ten spot if he would police up a couple of butts and give them to me.” Next, Matthews stopped to pick up a white hand towel, which hung prominently on another wall, encased in glass as well. “He used this to wipe his face during that basketball scrimmage on election day—remember we covered that? I slipped a Secret Service guy five bucks to swipe a sweat towel. I do have some contacts you know.” When asked about his famous “I felt this thrill going up my leg when I hear him speak and I don’t get that very often,” he was unfazed. “Yeah I said it; I don’t apologize for it. This guy is hot and the tingle is still there. Keith Olberman gets it too. We talk about “the tingle” all the time. He just hides his emotions better. Hey, it is the 21st century! Anything goes. Man crushes are cool. ” When asked about his and Olberman’s demotion by MSNBC as lead anchors for live political events, due to their strident anti-Republican, anti-Bush rhetoric and smarmy treatment of Obama, Matthews shrugged it off. “As I said on national television, ‘I want this man to succeed.’ My anchor job is a small price to pay for getting “my guy” in. Besides, in 2010 when I run for the Senate, he will remember me as the national newsperson most willing to shill for the Democratic ticket and drop all pretense of objective reportage. He owes me big time! Of course, I have already talked to his senior staff several times and, well, let us just say they would be more than happy to help me run against Specter in 2010. Obama will come and campaign for me. And we will be able to hang out… that will be so cool!” he giggled. “Sucking up has its rewards after all.” (Satire) Copyright © 2009 William Kevin Stoos