Joe Pantalone for President!

Who is Joe Pantalone you may be asking? Well, for those who live outside of what in Canada is referred to as the center of the universe, Pantalone is a long serving Toronto City Councillor and one of the city’s deputy mayors. He was given the role of a deputy mayor because he met the one requirement of the job; he is a fellow traveler of socialist mayor David Miller.

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But Joe is no ordinary councillor or ordinary deputy mayor for that matter even though use of the word “ordinary” is a highly complementary description of the boys and girls who occupy space in Toronto City Hall’s council chamber. Nope; in addition to his other duties, Joe is the city’s Tree Advocate. While Barack Obama dictatorially runs the United States with czars, Miller runs Canada’s largest city with advocates. We have a Tree Advocate and a Child Advocate and if we only we had a Taxpayers’ Advocate things might not be so bad. But taxpayers, if they rank at all rank last in Mayor David Miller’s list of priorities. Toronto has a bylaw that prohibits the cutting down of trees unless council’s permission is first obtained. Residents cannot legally cut down trees even if they are on their own property and pose a risk of toppling whenever a slight wind blows. And if the roots of a tree cause severe damage to a property taxpaying resident, Pantalone just laughs and says tough. Trees can only be removed after the council says they can and there are severe fines for plans for breaching the bylaw even if the tree is in immediate danger of crashing down. Last week Toronto experienced a couple of severe thunderstorms. Many Torontonians who have large old trees on their properties raised concerns about them. Unlike Joe Pantalone, these people seem to be more concerned about trees damaging their homes or reducing their toddlers to road kill than they are about keeping the city green. And even if a tree is determined to be dangerous and in need of removal the bureaucracy involved leaves it as a continual danger. After the storms Pantalone was interviewed by the National Post about the removal of old, dangerous trees. When asked by the Post’s Michael McKiernan if a tree would be taken down if it looked bad. Pantalone replied, “Just as you will not kill your favorite grandmother because she’s old and has a bad hip, you will not kill a beautiful old tree. Let’s be nice to our grandmothers.” At another point in the interview, he stated, “Older trees tend to be more vulnerable. First they are larger and second, like any other senior citizen, its structure, its trunk, its bones may have more weaknesses.” [Emphasis added] It is obvious that Joe cannot tell the difference between a human being and a tree. And that is why he would make a far better president of the United States than Barack Obama. "Pants" (the talk show hosts could have a field day with that name) is unquestioningly capable of leading the United States to the socialist utopia it is now headed for. His long years of service in helping to make Toronto the civic workers' paradise that it now is would make him a darling of the Democrats and the left. And like almost other politiciansT on the planet he has much more experience than Barack Obama has. But Americans can be assured of one thing: a President Pantalone won’t kill your grandmother. Just as he won’t cut down an old tree, neither will he just shove a pill down granny’s throat because she’s too expensive to treat properly. And since money is no object when it comes to saving the lives of trees, cost won’t matter when it comes to treat people because as we have seen, Joe can’t tell the difference between the two. Yes there is that little pesky constitutional thingee about presidents having to be born in the United States. If he wants the job, Pantalone will just have to refuse to show his birth certificate. No big deal and anyone who complains is obviously doing so because they don’t like Italians. So vote for Joe! And save Granny!

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