Just relax your throat: Liberals and their need to force-feed America

Are you hungry, America? Got a rumble in the tummy telling you it’s time to eat? If we are honest about it, Americans have a really big appetite for almost everything. I will admit that to self-loathing liberals, who bemoan this country at every turn, that this is a characteristic requiring praise, not apology.

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Hunger to excel, achieve, compete and succeed has been an individually ingrained American quality for our entire history. While it is very anti-PETA to say it, America doesn’t seek the lettuce of prosperity; we want the big, thick, juicy meat of victory and success in everything we do. I get hungry even thinking about it. It’s not the case today that liberals from Barack Obama to the ACLU are trying to cut in line and get the best portions of what America has to offer for their own plates; that would be too straightforward, too capitalistic. Instead, liberals want Americans to consume an ideology counter to our appetite, and to take up policies detrimental to our well-being. This is why as a nation we must be discerning in what we consume. Chew on that. If danger and stupidity were foods, liberals would be an all-you-can-eat buffet with endless foreign dishes proffered with the constant mantra that you must always fill your plate. Man-made global warming, downsizing the military, raising taxes, socializing the nation, rewriting the constitution, rejecting traditional values and the utter attack on our Judeo-Christian foundations are just a few of the daily specials that are cooked in the modern liberal kitchen. What makes these offerings most noticeable is that you are not allowed the free-market choice to pass on any of these courses. “All-you-can-eat” takes on a new meaning within liberal government as “all-you-must-eat.” Take ObamaCare; if you were against it, you were not just in the majority, you were in the overwhelming majority. Public opposition to this bill that was not in the country’s best interest didn’t slow America’s communistic connoisseurs from whipping it up and jamming it down the people’s throats. We were told to “eat it!” and that we would acquire a taste for it over time. Contrary to this country’s free-market appetite, liberals won’t stop force-feeding us their liberal utopian policies. Restraint seems to be beyond their nature and each morning seems to bring a new dastardly dish without the decency of even a shout of warning, “with forks and spoons here come the loons!” With a tone of arrogance, liberals think we should be gracious because they offer us periodical trips to vomit between force-feedings. Here is another bitter dish. The line of economists that will tell you the stimulus package lengthens, not limits, America’s economic struggle to rebound keeps getting longer and longer, but liberals served it up with zeal, despite its funny smell and terrible taste. The country is still ill from this economic E. coli and yet liberals continue to shout, “just relax your throat, you can hold a little more.” Notice how I refrained from mentioning the gay marriage push with the last statement, even though you get the thrust of what liberals are pushing in the country’s face on that issue. This is one more example of the social salmonella that degrades the health of the country. Even though the U.S. military has been receiving rancid dishes from liberals since the war on terror began, Obama made sure to serve them fresh pitiful plates of poor platitudes as the turndown in Iraq begins. Barack Obama’s flaccid and lackluster acknowledgment of the U.S. military’s success in Iraq following the surge that he and other Democrats opposed was noticeable to everyone. Obama supporters try to say that the president is showing signs of job fatigue, but it is more likely that he is just not used to eating crow when it comes to the U.S. military. Bon appetit. So don’t be fooled into thinking that America’s woes are based solely on our healthy appetite; it’s what we are eating that is doing us in. Burp if you agree. We have a mess on our hands and it is a mess that only we, the American people, can fix. To do so, we are going to have to step away from the schmuck’s smorgasbord, the buffoon’s buffet, and throw down the utensils of apathy. We need to get our hands dirty in the kitchen and do some cooking of our own and create some dishes for both this country and the liberal opposition. The former being nutritious, the latter being something best served cold.