Living Forever

Never-ending mortal existence would not be a good thing, as confirmed by the life of the Wandering Jew. According to medieval folklore, he taunted Jesus when He was groaning under the weight of a huge cross while trudging up the hill known as Calvary. The Jew’s curse was not death, but the opposite: the curse of living forever. The poor wretch despised immortality, but could not die … at least until the Second Coming, according to legend.

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In the 1995 Miss America Pageant, one contestant had a different take on living forever. A judge asked her, “If you could live forever, would you and why?” Displaying her profound wisdom and maturity, she answered, “I would not want to live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not want to live forever.” Mark Twain, who suffered from several old-man maladies, preferred death to immortality. He opined that eighty years of life would be more than enough, but thought that the eight decades should be arranged in reverse, as explained in one of his immortal quotes: “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.” My chief concern about living forever has to do with decline in mental acuity, especially that part of it having to do with remembering. Now in my late sixties, forgetting is my most serious handicap. Not long ago, I forgot to pull on trousers before walking down to the curb to pick up the newspaper. Thank goodness it was before dawn and no one was stirring but me, and there were no complaints lodged with the police department about an old man wandering around in his underwear. For most humans, remembering becomes less reliable as they age, as illustrated in the following progression … or perhaps more accurately, regression. Several teenagers with little more than $10 between them decided to eat lunch at a cheap fast food joint. Ten years later, they met for dinner at Sabrina’s Seafood Shack because the band was good and there was no cover charge. After another decade passed, they dined at Sabrina’s because it was near a gymnasium, and they could exercise before the meal to work up an appetite. Another ten years passed, and they again met at Sabrina’s because the prices were reasonable, and eating fish is healthful. Another decade and they supped at the same restaurant because the lighting was good and they could take advantage of the early bird special. When they had matured for seventy-five years, they hobbled to Sabrina’s because the food was not too #, and the restaurant was handicapped accessible. In their last meeting, those who had survived to age eighty-five discussed where they should eat dinner. They chose Sabrina’s Seafood Shack because they had never eaten there before. I rest my case. Immortality would be a curse. I’m glad I won’t be living forever.