Meow-meowing the Women's March

George Soros-funded radical leftists

Or this: "11 Profound Photos From Black Women At The Women's March: 'Don't forget: white women voted for Trump.'" (Huffington Post) Or this by the extremely deranged Joan Walsh: "Pussy Power Fights Back: In rallies around the world, millions of people--women and men--stand up to the grabber in chief." (The Nation) The task at hand is to market white masochism so cleverly that the organizers don't alienate the middle class white women whom they need to keep playing beard for the George Soros-funded radical leftists who actually staged the protests. What they need is some critical mass of suburban Buffys willing to burn their Bergdorf Goodman charge cards without pausing to ask, "hey, wasn't Bill Clinton an actual rapist?" Luckily, there are lots of women like that. (See below.) There's also scrapbooking! Over at the official Women's March website, in addition to being instructed to endure more hectoring about white privilege by their Maoist re-education overlords, women are being encouraged to run to their crafting stations and gird up for "10 Actions for the First 100 Days."

Apparently, a teaspoon of vanilla-scented girl power does make the anti-bourgeois agitprop go down. Amusingly, the illustration for "10 Actions/100 Days" is not of the Women's March but of a long-ago civil rights march. There are virtually no women in it. This covertly solves the much-bemoaned problem of too many white women in the current movement. It also ought to be yet another lesson to the eager, pussy-capped cisgender (yes, that's a slur) white feminists who think black/lesbian/immigrant activists will embrace them if only they denounce other white people hard enough. To put it bluntly: there is not enough masochism in the world, Miss Annie. Too many well-remunerated careers in race hustling depend on insisting that today is no different from 1960. To these people white feminists will always be all the bad white women in the movie The Help, and black women will always be their house maids, and anyone forced to endure The Help knows what happens next. The 'white women are ignoramuses who don't properly genuflect to magical women of color and their insider-outsider super X-ray vision' drumbeat may be as old as Gloria Steinem's frosted tips and Angela Davis's dreadlocks. But like Gloria's tips and Angela's dreads, on the higher floors of the women's movement toxic nostalgia remains a very good gig. So it should surprise no one, except maybe New York Times fact-checkers, that in the lead-up to the Women's March, march organizers were actually quoted in the Times claiming that black women are still largely employed as house maids. For too long, the march organizers said, the women's rights movement focused on issues that were important to well-off white women--but minority women, they said, have had different priorities. Black women who have worked their whole lives as maids might care more about the minimum wage or police brutality than about seeing a woman in the White House.

There, you see? Those weren't other grad student-baristas, or six-figure diversity administrators, or assistant professors of Women and Gender Studies, or CNN commentators marching alongside you. They were oppressed black "maids" still working for Don Draper in the magical universe where Betty rides her pony and eats bonbons instead of doing her own damn dishes. Who knew? The Buffy class, as represented by the Grab Your Wallet boycott du jour crowd, can spend all day frantically scissoring their credit cards while taking selfies of themselves quoting Rosa Parks:

Prized possession: signed copy of Rosa Parks' autobiog. given to me by an uncle who went to a reading. Would've been her 104th b-day today! pic.twitter.com/2euJsS3oDM

— Shannon Coulter (@shannoncoulter) February 4, 2017

Prized possession: signed copy of Rosa Parks' autobiog. given to me by an uncle who went to a reading. Would've been her 104th b-day today! They're still going to be cisexual white women who need to examine their own privilege at the end of it. Anyway, enough unpleasantness. Let's talk about the scrapbooking. Action #1 of "10 Actions for 100 Days" involves a postcard women can download and play with endlessly before sending it to their senators. To get the postcard, they are carefully instructed on how to use home printers, or find quaintly described "print shops," or sign up for a chance to receive free cards through the Ink Cards app. No word on whether profits from the Ink Card app company will be collectively redistributed to gratify the economic platform of the socialist and communist organizations such as Democratic Socialists of America (DSA) and the Communist Party USA that co-sponsored the Women's March. The postcards have a blank area to "make them your own." Women are told to "pour your heart out on any issue that you care about," so long as those feelings fit in the tiny box provided for feelings and conform to the "Unity Principles" of the march, which involve making sure everyone especially cares about "Black women, Native women, poor women, immigrant women, disabled women, Muslim women, lesbian queer and trans women." Women can pick from issues ranging from police brutality, to public subsidies for abortion and birth control, to an "all-inclusive Equal Rights Amendment," to disability rights, to open borders ("migration is a human right" and "no human being is illegal" the unity manifesto helpfully explains). There is also a section on "corporate gain or greed" destroying the earth, though there is no mention of corporate greed in the postcard-printing industry, or carbon footprints from flying, driving, and taking trains to rallies. Women can fill out the postcards alone (described grimly as: "go it alone"). But far better, they can invite "friends, neighbors and fellow Marchers over for a drink or dinner...to talk about your experience and fill out your postcards." Then they are instructed to take a picture of their postcard and tweet the picture at the march's official Twitter feed, where they can also find songs denouncing social ills like anorexia and bad relationships and dance steps to learn for future flash mob events. Grateful senators receiving the cards will be able to add many new names to their mailing lists before throwing them away, and grateful march organizers will have new names for their fundraising lists. There's also the least fun ever "worksheet for kids": a blank sheet of paper instructing children to invent a "community building super hero" who will "listen, think, run, fly and stand up for each other's rights." Crayons are not included for either activity. But you can trade in your underage daughters for additional intersectional street cred: The good news is, given the feminist movement's track record of not winning over new converts, these youngins will be old enough to knit their own pussy hats by the time the movement regains traction.