National Peanut Growers Association Saves Washington Redskins Franchise!

--Satire Senator Harry Reid, who once famously called President Obama "a light skinned African American who does not speak with a Negro dialect" [sic] has spearheaded a senatorial effort to force the Washington Redskins franchise to change its name and logo.

Apparently, Reid--the dour, hang dog Senator who chairs the Senate Committee on Political Correctness and fails to see the hypocrisy in his own comments about Obama's skin color--finds the term "redskins" offensive. Evidently, with the slaughter in Syria raging, Putin seeking to rebuild the Soviet Empire starting with Ukraine, creeping Chinese hegemony in Asia, the decline of U.S. standing in the world under Obama, and an economy mired in recession, Reid and several other Senators have determined there is nothing more important than banning the name "redskins" and eliminating a logo on a football helmet. However, the attempts of Harry and the P.C. Police to shame the Washington Redskins franchise into changing the name of the franchise so no one could possibly be offended, may have just been rendered moot by an unexpected development. Lance LeGume, President of the National Redskin Peanut Growers Association, in a recent exclusive interview with Ace Reporter Hugh Betcha of the Canada Free Press, announced a stunning new development: the Washington Redskins football franchise will soon be purchased by the National Redskin Peanut Growers Association for an undisclosed sum which will allow the franchise to retain the franchise name and change the team logo slightly to remove any suggestion of political incorrectness. "It is a win-win," announced LeGume as he held up a helmet displaying the new logo: the ubiquitous and tasty redskin peanut. "We keep the famous and revered name, and get free publicity for our wonderful product each time the team takes to the field. Everyone is reminded of this tasty snack, everyone is happy, and no one is offended. Who does not love redskin peanuts?"

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But when asked for comment on this new development, Reid reacted with an outburst of anger typically reserved for his Orwellian weekly Koch Brothers Two Minute Hate on the floor of the Senate. "This is just one more example of the right wing, racist Republicans' attempt to smear an entire race of people, which must be stopped," Reid yelled as he slammed his fist on the desk. "We are going to introduce new legislation to ban it," he said. "You mean the sale of the franchise?" Hugh inquired. "No," replied Reid, "the word 'redskins'. It is inherently offensive. You may change the logo, but people will still see the peanut and hear the word and be reminded that there are people out there with red skin, and someone, somewhere, is still going to be offended. This is why I do not even eat the damn things." Nonplussed, Hugh terminated the interview and filed this report. In a related, fast-breaking story, the White House announced today that Michelle Obama has added the word redskins to the current list of words banned by the Obama Administration, including: " incompetent," "extravagant," "big spending," "vacations," "Hawaii," "lavish," "wardrobe," "terrorism," "leadership," "cover up," "Islamic," "Benghazi," "terror," "Muslim," "terrorist," "Jesus," "Obamacare," "recession," "unemployment," "Christian nation," "transparency," "national debt," and "bossy." © 2014 William Kevin Stoos For Canada Free Press