In spite of all of Hollywood’s assurances, I’m losing faith in our ability to intercept a rampaging asteroid, millions of miles away in outer space, before it smashes into planet Earth.
Even though Bruce Willis in Armageddon saved us with a minimal amount of discomfort, the problems we’ve experienced trying to plug an oil leak a mere 5,000 feet under the surface of the ocean have undermined my trust.
If America can’t fix something we can see on underwater TV – without the transmission delay experienced in space – I think it will be curtains when Mr. Meteor comes calling.
(Which brings to mind a question: isn’t it lucky Jiffy Lube isn’t owned British Petroleum? Somehow Permanent Lube doesn’t have quite the same marketing appeal.)
In the meantime, I certainly feel safer with this week’s announcement that President Obama is sending Attorney General Eric Holder to the Gulf. If there are any oil–soaked illegal aliens washing ashore, he will see to it that they are adequately cared for and put on the fast track to citizenship.
Holder’s secondary mission will be to see if there was any “malfeasance” in connection with British Petroleum’s salt water lube job. This is certainly reassuring because there is nothing like videotape of oil executives posting bond to dry up an oil leak.
An added educational benefit, too. Now “environmentalists” know how conservatives feel when the administration treats terrorism as a law enforcement matter. Talk about your “junk shot.”
Arresting the same people who are in charge of plugging the leak may complicate the chain of command, at least in the near term. Sort of like one of those French Foreign Legion movies where the authorities capture the band of deserters only to discover they have to depend on the runaways to help them fight their way out of rampaging Arab tribesmen (not to be confused with rampaging asteroids).
But it was obvious a “get tough” policy was coming when the most public relations–obsessed administration in history declared it would no longer share a news conference podium with BP. Which for the BP folks is the crisis equivalent of coming home after a hard day at the wellhead and finding your clothes on the front lawn.
Obamanites are angry because BP was unable to provide the White House with a plan for plugging the leak that contained a firm timeline, PowerPoint presentation and location for the “Mission Accomplished” news conference after the oil stopped squirting. Their thinking was — BP knew the leak was down there, why didn’t they try something that worked the first time?
Obviously this manifestly inexperienced administration has never heard Gen. Helmuth von Moltke’s maxim: “No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.”
Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell’s plan to start offshore drilling in the near future and use the royalty revenue for roads won’t survive this spill either. Obama has pulled the plug on any additional offshore drilling leases to placate the enviro lobby.
I foresee high schools changing their charitable efforts from diseases to infrastructure by holding car washes to raise money to repair highways, although how the kids think they will be able to drive when the gasoline is $10/gallon escapes me.
The good news is at those prices, traffic won’t be a problem on the road. The bad news is society may be a problem like inThe Road.
What’s more, we will get all this social decay without waiting for the advent of “global warming.” Which brings me to Virginia’s intrepid Attorney General Ken Cuccinelli and his latest faceoff with the Commonwealth’s universities. Cuccinelli has subpoenaed documents from former UVA professor Michael Mann who is currently embroiled in the “climategate” email scandal.
Cuccinelli is investigating whether Mann deliberately skewed climate data to support his case for “global warming” when he applied for publicly–funded grants. This sort of behavior is called fraud and should attract the attention of any AG doing his job.
Naturally uproar ensues. My favorite was when the newspaper on the Potomac described the university as “fiercely independent.” Try fiercely infantile: the university sucks at the government teat for almost all its sustenance and throws a temper tantrum whenever it doesn’t get its way.
These welfare intellectuals have “academic freedom” which means they aren’t bound by the petty rules the taxpayers who foot the bill have to live by. The fact that Cuccinelli’s investigation touches on “global warming,” the new elite belief system, only adds to academic outrage.
I wonder what the response of university administrators would be if Cuccinelli was investigating a creationist professor? A professor the AG thought was concealing breakthrough evidence that Adam & Eve did not actually ride dinosaurs when they were expelled from Eden. A professor who reportedly flaunted his season tickets to lacrosse games.
You know as well as I do that “fiercely independent” administrators would be passing out torches and pitchforks at the student union.
Michael R. Shannon (The Whole Shebang (mostly)) is a Virginia-based public relations and media consultant with MANDATE: Message, Media & Public Relations who has worked in over 75 elections on three continents and a handful of islands.
