The snow disappears and the frost comes out of the ground to reveal a front lawn in sad shape. Patches of dead turf splatter an otherwise rapidly greening expanse of grass.
The villains here are dogs, or female dogs, to be more precise. Mother Nature, as someone once observed, is a b****. While male dogs tend to pee in modest amounts to mark their territory, bitches exuberantly and liberally lubricate the lawn. Rarely their owner’s lawn, though, but while out for a much-required relief, frequently concealed by the winter’s gloom.
Quickly freezing, such billet doux present little problem. It merely lies in wait like a Taliban anti-personnel device for the appropriate opportunity to reveal itself. This comes as winter melts away. The urine thaws with it, soaks into the turf, effectively over fertilizing it with the nitrogen it contains. This results in fertilizer “burn” to the unfortunate sod.
Rather surprisingly, feeding the offending pooch with tomato ketchup can reduce the damage. Ketchup is notoriously salt laden. This increases a #’s thirst, causing her to drink more water and thus diluting her nitrogen-laden urine. Later in the season, heavy watering of affected areas immediately following the act will have a similar effect.
In Taiwan, it was the faeces that offended, another story again. Officials in New Taipei City said that more than 4,000 people collected 14,500 bags of excrement. For each bag they turned in, they were given a lottery ticket. A woman in her 50s won the top prize – a gold ingot worth $2,200 according to BBC News.
Close to home, a handmade wood cut-out of a poodle squatting on its haunches made an appearance behind a front lawn. In its paws was balanced a black board. It read: “Here lies the last poodle that peed on my lawn.” The grass has remained immaculate ever since.
Wes Porter is a horticultural consultant and writer based in Toronto. Wes has over 40 years of experience in both temperate and tropical horticulture from three continents.
