Sarahmania! Dooms Liberal Stooges Matthews, Olbermann!

- Satire - As further evidence of the devastating power of Sarahmania!, executives at MSNBC have decided to clean up the polluted airwaves by removing liberal stench merchants Chris Matthews and Keith Olbermann as anchors of live political events. Matthews, who admits that he wets his pants in excitement when covering Barack Obama, will continue to disgrace journalism with "Hard Ball," a daily tragedy in which the host takes five minutes to ask each of his questions, and then refuses to allow assembled guests to answer. Perhaps Matthews' narcissistic self-talk will be countered when liberals resurrect the Fairness Doctrine?

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Olbermann, a failed and embittered sportscaster, will continue with "Countdown," another dismal embarrassment on a network that should know better. This untidy bundle of liberal insanity is still trying to remember how to count to 10, wasting valuable network time in the process. Dr. Oscar Newton, Olbermann's behind the scenes psychiatrist, speaking on condition of anonymity, admits that he administers Prozac and Lithium cocktails to the least talented commie on television, just to keep Olbermann from having a full-scale nervous breakdown during prime time. To its credit, MSNBC has made a major concession to objectivity and professionalism by expunging Matthews and Olbermann. Viva Sarahmania!