Senator Harry (The Jester) Reid Speaks to Stoos Views

--Satire-- Senator Harry Reid, fresh from trashing the most influential newspaper in Nevada--telling them that he "hopes they go out of business," [sic], did what all smart politicians in Washington do when they are in trouble: they call the most respected name in journalism--Stoos Views' own, Hugh Betcha. Hugh, Chief Political Correspondent for the Stoos Views media conglomerate and journalist who commands the respect of politicians of all stripes, responded to a frantic call from Senator Reid last evening, beckoning the reporter to a hastily arranged meeting with the Senator at his Washington, D.C. office.

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After a long flight from the lush prairie of South Dakota--God's country--to the center of political intrigue and corruption, Hugh alighted from the luxurious Senate jet dispatched by Senator Reid to convey the reporter to D.C. There he was met by a luxurious Senate stretch limo driven by a Senate limo driver, sent to transport him to the Senator's luxurious Senate office suite. As he entered the Senator's office, Hugh was met with a handshake and a rather unorthodox greeting, by a grinning Reid: "Hey, you no good son of a #!" Whereupon the Senator slapped him on the back and invited the puzzled reporter to sit down. "Only kidding!" Reid remarked as he sat down in his overstuffed chair. Good to see you, Reid began. "Thanks for the opportunity," replied Betcha as he took out his reporter's notepad to scribble a few notes. "About your remark that you hoped the Las Vegas Review-Journal goes out of business," Betcha began, "don't you think that was a little over the top?" "Geeze, you stupid bastard, you know what a kidder I am, don't you?" laughed Reid, slapping his knee. "Just kidding, of course! I know you are not stupid!" After a quizzical look from the reporter, Reid explained: "See how things can be misinterpreted? I just called you a no good sumbitch and a stupid bastard and you thought I was serious. You know I was just joshing you--I have a dry wit you know--sometimes people just don't get the joke. Everyone knows what a card I am...life of the party and all that. You oughta see me with a lampshade on my head! No, I was simply joking with that newspaper guy--everyone knows that!" "Well..." the reporter replied, before he was rudely interrupted by the Senator again. "...like you know, the other day I was in the President's office joking around and I called him an incompetent socialist bastard who is spending money like a drunken sailor and how dare he try to impose his will on the Senate, and we laughed till we cried..." "But..." the reporter said before being interrupted again. "...or the other night, I was in Pelosi's office talking to her about some legislation and just for the fun of it called her a power hungry, femi-NAZI, who may be third in line for succession to the presidency, but has an IQ ten points higher than a toaster and I just cracked up everyone in the room." When asked about his chances for reelection to the Senate in the next election, Reid replied, jokingly, "If those dumb bastards in Nevada don't have enough sense to vote for me, then there is no hope for them....just kidding! Don't print that!" exclaimed the Senator, laughing out loud. "The voters in Nevada know me and love me and I will be a shoo-in for Senator next time. After all, I am the most powerful and funniest Senator ever elected by the people of Nevada. They appreciate my wit and wisdom, even if that stupid excuse for a newspaper does not. Only kidding! " After an hour or so of such funny banter from the Senator, Hugh excused himself from the Senator's presence to head back to the beautiful wilds of South Dakota. As he left the Senator's office, he bid the surprised Senator goodbye: "Thanks for your time, you no good, milktoast, grumpy, free spending, power hungry, unfunny, Obama butt kissing, radical socialist, corrupt old curmudgeon who does not have a ghost of a chance being re-elected to the Senate again in this lifetime," Hugh said on the way out the door. "What???" the confused Senator asked, mouth agape. "Only kidding!"