On Valentine’s Day, I asked my Creative Writing class a simple question — one I should have known would create a firestorm of controversy among young adults in their late teens and early twenties: “In the business of romance, which sex — male or female — does Mother Nature favor most?”
Controversy conquered creativity. One boy boasted that males have the advantage because they become the dominant leader and sole lover of their female entourages. To illustrate, he mentioned the regal status of dominant males in lion prides.
His arrogant remark struck a raw nerve in Olivia, usually the class’s meekest, quietest co-ed. Springing from her desk, she placed her fists on her hips, and shrieked, “You are a male chauvinist pig. Has it ever occurred to you that, in the process of competing for females, males must fight with other males, while the females get to eat, sleep, and enjoy life, knowing that when one male can no longer provide protection, another will take his place?
“And, furthermore, if you are trying to draw a parallel between beasts in the jungle and beastly human males, try fooling around with another woman and let your wife find out. You will pay through the nose for the rest of your days.”
When every female in the class cheered, I knew which side to take. “Great point, Olivia,” I conceded, much to the chagrin of the lusty Lotharios in the class. Then, I showed the students a video that was certain to ingratiate me with the girls.
In it, a service station owner was puzzled by the fact that cash from his car wash didn’t match the number of users. So, he installed a video camera to monitor activity at the car wash. What he discovered was astonishing. Observing that people were dropping shiny objects in the coin slot, and wanting to impress a lady starling he was courting, a male starling began flying into the slot, grasping a coin in his beak, and hurrying to the babe’s favorite hangout — a shady spot below a pumping unit on the car wash’s roof.
“With ruffled feathers and glaring eyes, she squawked: ‘So long, stealing starling!’”
Indeed, she was impressed, and the mound of coins grew steadily. Mr. Starling was certain she would soon become Mrs. Starling.
“There’s your human parallel, Sir Chauvinist,” Olivia crowed. “Men beat themselves to death trying to outspend other guys to gain a woman’s affection, and when the lady chooses a mate, he’s obliged to work like a dog to provide her security and a comfortable lifestyle, while avoiding dalliances with other women. In the end, he wears himself out, dies much sooner than his wife, and she inherits all of his money and property!”
Then Olivia asked, “Professor, did the female starling enter into matrimonial bliss with the male?”
“Yes, until the station owner installed a spring-loaded door on the coin slot, which stopped the starling’s stealing.”
“What happened next?”
Sticking with my commitment to garner the co-eds’ favor, I concluded, “With ruffled feathers and glaring eyes, she squawked: ‘So long, stealing starling!’”
Jimmy Reed is an Oxford, Mississippi resident, Ole Miss and Delta State University alumnus, Vietnam Era Army Veteran, former Mississippi Delta cotton farmer and ginner, author, and retired college teacher.
This story is a selection from Jimmy Reed’s latest book, entitled The Jaybird Tales.
Copies, including personalized autographs, can be reserved by notifying the author via email (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)).
On Valentine’s Day, I asked my Creative Writing class a simple question — one I should have known would create a firestorm of controversy among young adults in their late teens and early twenties: “In the business of romance, which sex — male or female — does Mother Nature favor most?”
Controversy conquered creativity. One boy boasted that males have the advantage because they become the dominant leader and sole lover of their female entourages. To illustrate, he mentioned the regal status of dominant males in lion prides.
