The finest things on a hot summer day

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So let’s start with a disclaimer. I’m a cold weather guy. I never really remain comfortable after the temperature rises above 82 or so. I’ve been way hotter than I like many times, but only on a few occasions have I ever been cold enough to be uncomfortable. My internal furnace works just fine. In the warm weather it works too well. The second disclaimer is that these experiences and preferences are my own. I like them, so I’m writing about them. At the end of this column I will invite you to share your favorite moments of relief from the summer heat. Please respond with your own favorites. One all time favorite is a vanilla mushie. When it’s nice and hot, this home made treat combines the cold delights of ice cream with something to drink when you’re thirsty. To make a mushie, fill a large, tall glass with vanilla ice cream without packing it tightly. When you come to the top, fill the spaces in the glass with milk. Use an iced tea spoon to moosh the mixture all together to make a home made milk shake. Some of the liquid will remain separated, so start drinking it from the glass. When nothing else will pour out, there’s all that goodness that slides down the side of the glass when you tip it up. It’s like having them hand you the stainless steel mixer cup at the old fashioned Dairy Queen before pouring it into a paper cup. It’s pure bliss. Of course, if you’re one of those chocoholics, you can make it differently, but that’s on you. I must say, however, using chocolate milk and vanilla ice cream might be tempting. Similar but slightly inferior concoctions: brown cow, root beer float.

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Real State Fair lemonade

On a steamy hot day, pour your favorite soft drink over ice in an aluminum tumbler with condensation running down the sides. It’s the multisensory aspect of this treat that rates it very highly. Use a cold bottle of your favorite soft drink, fill the tumbler with ice, pour the drink over the ice, and wait just a minute or so for the condensation to form on the outside. Stick your face over the fizzy top part to feel the spray. Inhale to smell the lemon-lime or cola or cherry soda flavor, then put both hands on the sides to feel the shocking cold. Then, as Gordon Liddy used to say, “Don’t sip it. Pour it straight down your throat!” Then you’ll be quickly cooled outside and inside. It’s amazing. Context is everything. When you go to the Indiana State Fair, there’s been a drive and it might be afternoon before you get there. It’s a huge place, and affordable parking is about four miles away from the dairy barn and the butter sculpture. The poultry and rabbits are even further. The whole time, it’s one of those Hoosier summer days that started warm and keeps getting warmer. There’s a lot of pavement at the fair, and lots of booths with the good smells of best-in-the-world fried onion rings and the Indiana Pork Producers’ Pork Chop tent. So it’s hot as blazes, the sun is making you want to hide, you’re loaded with big onion rings and a pork chop, and you’re getting mighty thirsty. What do you need? Real State Fair lemonade. They put the juice from an entire lemon in one cup, along with the rinds, plenty of sugar, water, and lots of ice. Take it over to a shady spot if you can find one. Wait just a minute until it gets really cold from the ice. Pour it straight down your throat. Maybe have another. The country west of the 100th Meridian is way too dry for my tastes, but it’s beautiful. There are a million must-see places and views. Even on the interstate system, it’s majestic and beautiful everywhere one goes. When I’m headed east on I-70 going through Green River playing CCR, then leaving Utah, I always want to slow down and look at Fruita, Colorado. There are orchards there if you know where to look, then it’s on to Grand Junction to begin a climb into the Rockies. It’s a curvy drive with long grades and fun spells along the Eagle River, past Vail, and on and on. Colorado is a big place. After a while, you just want to be home, but you also need to stretch your legs, and about that time here comes a town ahead. Georgetown, Colorado? Why not? It’s a little mining town from way back with older houses and shops and such. I always go to the post office, park the car and go over to the side of the building where there’s a little ditch. Stoop down and plunge both hands down into that water that was snow high above you just a couple of hours ago. If you’re really brave, splash some on your face or pour a cupful on your shirt. That is some seriously cold refreshment. Other places offer similar experiences. Driving along Paradise Valley in Montana, take a side road up to the higher elevations and look for the creeks. Yep. That’s icy cold water, just melted from the winter’s snows on the peaks. Drive along US 2 from Duluth toward Iron River and through Crystal Falls, then on through Florence, Wisconsin and into Iron Mountain. Just a few miles further is Norway, Michigan. Pull into the parking area for the Norway Spring. You should have jugs to fill, but first take a big cup or water bottle or jar and fill it clear to the top with water from the Norway Spring. Step back a bit and address any hydration issues you may have. It’s amazing water, and always just in time.

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Washington in the Summer: It’s hot, it’s muggy, it’s hazy, in short, it’s miserable

Washington, DC was built in a tidal swamp. Coastal Virginia and Maryland are hot, steamy places in the summertime. Why visit there when it’s cool? There’s no fun in that, and, besides, you won’t understand the other reason they call it The Swamp. It’s a tourist town on top of being the nation’s capital. It’s not especially car-friendly, so there’s lots of walking. It’s summer, it’s hot, it’s muggy, it’s hazy, in short, it’s miserable. But make sure you go to the Jefferson Memorial. It’s one of the most inspiring places I’ve ever been. We were blessed with remarkable founders, but none so great a thinker as Jefferson. You’ll be sweating after walking around outside, but go inside and park your backside on one of those wide white marble benches. It’s like sitting on a block of ice. It will be just what you need while you contemplate the blessings of freedom. Postcard from Arizona: Today the weather in Arizona is

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Arizona: Valley of Hell

I have family in Phoenix and Tucson, but you won’t find me living there. No, sir. Summer is the only time I traveled anywhere, so I’m going to complain about July or August in Phoenix. I mean, seriously, who would live in an oven voluntarily? It’s the DESERT, for Pete’s sake! They grow cactus and jackrabbits and rattlers there. Duh. Anyhow, I went through Arizona once, leaning into the scorching heat and trying to be game about it. By the time you pass El Centro, California and hurry past Tucson, AC running at max cold, you just want it to end. And no, after this, I don’t need to read Dante’s Inferno. Been there already. So I made it to Phoenix where it was 109 degrees, stayed the night with my cousins, and enjoyed the time. Inside Next morning there’s breakfast and I get ready to get back out on the road. All packed up and heading out to the car, I go outside and realize the overnight low temperature was 91 degrees. 91 was the low! I get in the car and just hope I live to see the Mississippi River again. There are beautiful ponderosa pine forests in eastern Arizona, but it’s a slow drive and I just wanted to go east and north as fast as possible. I get onto I-17 north and get out of the Valley of Hell. So long, saguaros! It’s not all that far to Flagstaff on old Route 66. Inside the car, even with the AC running hard, you know that outside it’s just crazy hot. Coming up to Flagstaff, I’d better get some fuel. I pull in to a station, get out. That day it was overcast and 69 degrees in Flagstaff. I felt reborn. I could breathe. I felt the swagger coming on. Sure. I could live in Arizona, I guess. Up here! Setting up the sprinklers in a yard and running plenty of 55 degree water into the air is a fine thing for kids. When I was a kid I never wanted to be seen in swim trunks, and usually didn’t own a pair. As an adult, the neighbors really don’t want to see me in swim trunks, either, and I haven’t owned a pair in years. When I was that young, I already preferred the aluminum tumbler cooldown method.

Lovin Spoonful Summer in the City

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Risking hypothermia works well when it’s August in Chicago and it’s 88 degrees outside

There’s even a song about how hot it is in the summer in a big city. In the song it helps to go out at night when it’s cooler. One particular summer on the south side of Chicago there was another way to try to avoid heat stroke. The temperature outside reached an official high of 88 degrees that summer day in ’77, but it was way hotter in the third-floor walkup apartment near the University of Chicago. The building had a flat tar roof and no elevator. All the considerable heat produced on the bottom two floors rose to the third. There was no AC, of course, only a fan if you had one. Like growing up all those years in the 1950s and 1960s, you just had to tough it out. One day I remember was just unbearable. I decided I would just have to try a method I had always avoided when possible: getting into a pool of water. I ran half a tubful with almost no hot water and slowly got in. Yep, that’s way cooler. My face was still hot, but it didn’t matter because my fingers got blue. Risking hypothermia works well when it’s August in Chicago and it’s 88 degrees outside. Sitting in front of a fan the first week of August writing this, I’m feeling more human every minute. I just looked at the list and realized I have eighteen more delightful ways to cool off on a summer day. I’ll save those for another time. Please share the best ways you remember to beat the heat. We’ll compare notes!

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