The Scourge of Child-Proof Medicine Bottles

I once saw a cartoon which spoofed "secure" medicine bottles. It had a pill bottle label that read: "Take one capsule twice daily -- or as often as you can get the lid off."

What good is medicine you can't get out of the bottle? As one who suffers from a chronic disease, I have taken a lot of pills, tablets, and capsules over my lifetime. Occasionally, I get a medicine that has an unacceptable side effect and I stop taking it. Usually the doc prescribes another drug and the problem is solved. But the one problem that aggravates the heck out of me, is the "secure" (child proof) lids on medicine bottles. You know the ones I mean -- the lids that are supposed to be child proof and you wind up having to summon one of your grand kids to open the darn bottle for you! Sound familiar? Thought it would.

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But what do you do when there is no kid around to open the kid-proof bottles? I'll tell you what I do, and let me be very clear here -- I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS TO, OR FOR, ANYONE ELSE! IT IS DANGEROUS! When I finally manage to get the lid off these kid-proof bottles,I pour the medicine into old bottles, usually over the counter vitamins, etc with the standard screw on lids. Then I create labels for those bottles on my computer and I record the prescription number so I won't forget it and then I toss the original kid-proof bottle into the trash where it belongs. Oh, you can get an adult lid, that is to say a lid an adult can get off the bottle with a minimum of trouble, but catch this -- at some pharmacies you have to sign some sort of release form before the pharmacist can issue you a pill bottle with an easy entry lid. Now, I don't know if that is a federal regulation, a state regulation, or a company regulation. Of course, it could be the store, or the parent company of the store, shielding themselves from a lawsuit. You may agree or disagree with me about these godawful bottles. Frankly, I don't care. I hate the accursed things! Apparently, I am not alone. There is even a website dedicated to ways and means of opening those bottles from hell. It's the "How to make Evil Childproof caps easy to open" website and you will find it here. And as if all of this wasn't enough to drive me over the edge, they are now experimenting with electronic pill bottles. I kid you NOT! Check this out: "Experimental electronic pill bottle caps prompted up to 99 percent of the participants of a study to stay on their medication schedules, says the Center for Connected Health. The pill bottle covers send wireless signals that activate a glowing light, a tune, automated calls, text messages or e-mails to notify patients that it's time to take their medication." No. I did not make this up! You can read the entire article. The company making these electronic Rx bottle caps says this about them: ""GlowCaps are designed especially for managing chronic diseases like high blood pressure, diabetes, high cholesterol and depression where daily medications are critical for long-term health," Rose said. The GlowCap has an embedded computer chip that communicates with a cellular-connected nightlight, which sends the information to Vitality over AT&T's 2G network. The nightlight's low-frequency RF (radio frequency) is activated when the unit is plugged into the wall. Patients can be notified via a glowing light, a tune, automated calls, text messages or e-mails. The reminders can be repeated for up to four doses a day." My question remains the same, however: How do you get the cussed LID off the bottle??? Will I need a crowbar and/or dynamite? OK. So, I'm whining! I'd respond by saying: Until you have broken a few veins in your fingers, thumbs, and hands trying to open one of those "Luciferian Lids," then don't complain about MY complaining! OK. So the "unopenable" medicine bottle is just another unintended consequence of America's new nanny state condition. Intended or unintended, is open for debate, I suppose. But you'll get no debate from me. I HATE "EM! See, I come from a generation of Americans who were taught by their parents to take responsibility for their own stupid actions and mistakes. And I readily admit to making my share -- and then some. See, those little aggravating pill bottles remind me, ever so much, of the "nanny state" we Americans have adopted over the past few decades. The government's protection, their take-over of our lives in the name of security, has enslaved the nation. It infuriates me. Every rule and regulation the government decrees means another liberty or freedom we have to relinquish. And frankly, dear reader, we haven't THAT much freedom left. The "hellish holder" of pills is just another reminder (at least for me) of how far we Americans have distanced ourselves from responsibility -- even responsibility for ourselves and our actions. © J. D. Longstreet