To Pee or Not to Pee on the Garden

“I may not know much about nature, but five years living in raccoon-infested Toronto was good for something – the ‘# have a visceral dislike of male urine. If you don’t believe me, try it,” suggested John Ivison a few years ago in National Post. Meanwhile, outdoor types who do know much about nature, recommend urinating around the tent before retiring at night for the same purpose.

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But could urine have an even more potent use in the garden? A tale – perhaps true, who knows? – tells of two male gardeners who grew tomatoes that were the envy of the neighbourhood. “How do you do it?” asked a female friend, an equally keen gardener. The men at first were reluctant to explain their success but eventually admitted to peeing around the plants. A couple of weeks passed until she again confronted the pair. “How did it work?” they asked. “It didn’t do anything for my tomatoes,” she replied, “but you should see my zucchini!” A tale, and a tall one at that, doubtlessly. But then would you believe trapping slugs in saucers of beer? Or a baby aspirin added monthly to a pot of African Violets produces better flowers? So it should come as no surprise to discover there is a modicum of truth here. Indeed you can pee to fertilize. In Finland it has been found to be an effective fertilizer. In Sweden urine is even diverted through especially designed toilets into holding tanks to be collected by eager farmers for their fields.

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Now this is commercial, even scientifically conducted research. Will it work in the home garden? In a word – yes. But the advice is not to get er, well really peed off. The urea present in urine is a potent fertilizer. Experts suggest limiting its use to twice a month around, never directly on the plants. Too much, too frequently is definitely out. Researchers in Finland reported highly satisfactory results when applied to cabbages as well as tomatoes, the latter crop quadrupling in yields. And according to calculations by National Geographic, it has been estimated that a single person could supply enough urine to fertilizer roughly 6,300 tomato plants per year – yielding some 2.4 tons of tomatoes. On the ornamental side, rose fanciers are on record as having been mightily impressed after pee applications improved their production. Urine contains appreciable amounts of nitrogen, phosphates and potassium, primary plant nutrients represented in scientific short hand as ‘NPK.’ Ratios of such are shown on packages of commercial fertilizer, ‘natural’ or chemical which cost plenty. Pee is free. It is also an excellent compost accelerant. Again though the key word is moderation. Too much will soon make itself odiferously evident. In days gone by when professional gardeners were all male, bones from households and restaurant meals were consigned to a remote corner privy, there to be peed upon. A year or two, it is claimed, was enough to reduce the ossuary into valuable fertilizer. More recently, the organization that maintains many of England’s stately homes and gardens has placed straw bales discretely out of sight for use of grounds maintenance staff. All of which is very well down on the farm, in extensive grounds or on experimental stations. But in the home garden, in the city? Public urinating in urban areas is definitely considered anti-social. Guardians of law and order regard this as ordure and act accordingly. Like many other activities then, this is best undertaken at late at night and on dark ones at that, not under the light of the moon. And should, despite this concealment, a nosy neighbour enquire exactly what you think you are doing, why then, just tell them to pee off.

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