We Find It Ourselves

While attending the funeral service for a friend who committed suicide, I sat beside his daughter. “Read this page in his diary,” she said. “My father always kept one of these diary notebooks in his pocket and penned daily entries.” In the entry dated the day before his death, he wrote, “On any given day at any given moment, any given 1,000,000 people, of whom I might be one, are pleading for God’s mercy and help, and 999,999 of them are more worthy of His attention than I, so why bother praying? He will never hear me.”

“How depressing,” I said. “That’s the right word — depressing. Dad hid his battle with depression from everyone, but talked to me about it, using such fatalistic expressions as, ‘Depression hurts,’ and ‘depression always wins.’ When suffering in the affliction’s despondent depths, his entries were always the same: “Today I’m wearing the lead overcoat.” That evening, I visited my lifelong friend and mentor Jaybird, knowing the wise old black man would share his observations on the diary entry. As always, he used the opportunity to teach me another invaluable life lesson: “By destroying God’s holy temple, his body, your friend chose the worst solution. When people ask God to help them find solutions to problems, they sometimes fail to realize that God will help certainly help — if they try solve them on their own first. “Prayer verifies this because God would rather see us change ourselves. Then, problems’ solutions are more meaningful and lasting. We remain close to God by praying often, which strengthen us to resist Satan’s temptations, and in turn assures that He will help us find what we need within ourselves. That is why I pray often throughout each day. Had the dead man followed that practice he would have overcome that tormenting beast — depression, which Satan used to destroy him. “Sometimes, even when people pray often, they repeat the same words over and over again, without forethought. Prayers lead to healing when they are submitted sincerely. Then, I believe He is more inclined to help His children regain focus on their life’s purpose. God makes sure they not only benefit from the relief prayer provides, but also, through submission to Him with a contrite heart, they benefit by gaining a clearer picture of their life’s purpose. “In the end, we all have the same purpose: To live according to God’s will, thereby serving Him and glorifying His name. Actions heal better than words. For a person with a crippling mental disease like depression, this is even more necessary. Had your friend known that demonstrating faith through action strengthens it, he would have come to realize that God helps His children get what is needed because, in reality, they attain it themselves. As St. Matthew told us in the Gospels, ‘Your Father knows what you have need of.’ “When God observes a self-reliant, determined attitude toward finding a solution to a problem, He makes sure this happens: We find it ourselves.”