In its never-ending campaign to simplify the main stream media’s job, the White House has eased the journalistic burden by putting out its own stories. Besides White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs breaking news on Twitter and Barack Obama taking a question at a news conference from a sympathetic blogger, the White House has now produced and released its own interview with its recent Supreme Court nominee, Elena Kagan.
Now journalists won’t have to go to all the trouble to research Kagan’s body of written work (perusing it wouldn’t even fill the duration of a commuter flight from Washington, D. C. to Baltimore), or investigating her one decisive action (keeping the military off of the Harvard campus because of the Clinton administration’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy). They won’t have to write out lists of probing questions, interview her associates, or do any background investigations. They can merely request a copy of the White House-produced softball session which contains such revelations as the admission from Kagan that the nomination left her “overjoyed.”
It is certain this won’t be the last White House infomercial featuring its new cast of political media stars. With such elaborate facilities and hard-hitting investigative staff, the White House could become the headquarters of a new network of political programming. They could call it the White House Broadcasting Service–WHBS. We have some suggestions on possible shows.
Tax Time with Timmy: Viewers who have trouble understanding all the new taxes dreamed up by the Obama team will now have expert help every week. Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, who blamed his own tax evasions on misunderstanding the do-it-yourself software Turbo Tax, will play quizmaster to ordinary citizens caught in the web of confusing regulations and beefed-up revenue enforcement hidden in the health reform law. Guests will be divided into teams and will compete to answer questions on arcane details of tax law, vying for the grand prize of a $1000 tax credit. Second place team receives complimentary audits.
Sing Along With the Supremes: Committed liberals can tap their feet to the progressive rhythm of Supreme Court Justices Sonia Sotomayor and Elena Kagan as they croon favorites from the Obama songbook. In catchy populist hit after hit, they will drown out the tired tunes of the Founding Fathers, always hitting not so much the right notes as the left. Unbound by the Constitutional sheet music, they will jazz up the law with some improvised riffs on social justice and international consensus.
White House Rug Pull: Every week, an ambassador from a formerly close ally–the United Kingdom, Israel, Poland, or Taiwan–will be invited to the White House for a “conference.” When representatives of various countries arrive to meet with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, hidden cameras will record the hilarity when President Obama himself pulls the red carpet out from under them, doing irreparable damage to United States prestige and international stature, not to mention to the various diplomats. Each episode will close with the chuckle-provoking tag line delivered by White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs: “Let the Dips Fall Where They May.”
Dancing With the Czars: Each week, First Lady Michelle Obama will preside over a ballroom dance-off, pairing inexperienced amateur hoofers with the even less qualified people appointed as White House Czars. AIDS Czar Jeff Crowley, Auto Recovery Czar Ed Montgomery, Border Czar Alan Bersin and others will try not to be tripped up before the panel of sympathetic judges–all hand-picked by Attorney General Eric Holder for their partiality. Amateur dancers will receive prizes. Czars are already excessively compensated. To offset the costs, and in view of the mounting national debt, this program will be offered on a pay-per-view basis. No need to enter credit card information–the cost will be added to your taxes.
It’s all part of the edutainment and infoganda soon to be available from the new White House Broadcasting Service–or, as it is more descriptively known, WH BS.
