Chris Matthews doesn't think Cruz and Rubio are Hispanic - but he did when he was attacking them

Chris Matthews is lost in a quandary. He doesn't know how to categorize Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz. Since he's a lifelong left-winger, placing humans into the proper boxes is of the utmost importance, because it's the only thing that informs his commentary. If he doesn't know what they are, it's impossible for him to formulate one of his ridiculous attacks. Specifically, he can't figure out if Rubio and Cruz are "Hispanic." He's pretty sure they're "Cuban Nationals," but beyond that he has no idea which label he should apply, and that's upsetting his identity politics apple cart.

Now, this might be tough for Matthews to comprehend, but neither Rubio nor Cruz are citizens of Cuba. Yes, their parents fled the same sort of socialist/communist B.S. that Matthews supports, but that doesn't mean they are somehow granted status as "Cuban Nationals." As for whether or not they're "Hispanic," we should ask an expert on the subject. That man's name just happens to be... Chris Matthews. Hey, Chris Matthews of 2014, is this Ted Cruz guy Hispanic? Well that settles it. Sometimes Ted Cruz is Hispanic, and sometimes he's not. It all depends on the ridiculous point you're trying to make. For the record, in case you were wondering, Jeb Bush's kids are "basically Hispanic." This is apparently because they "look Hispanic."

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So, to sum up: Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio may or may not be Hispanic. They also may or may not be citizens of Cuba. Jeb Bush might be overdoing his appreciation for Hispanic culture, but his kids look Hispanic, so they're "basically Hispanic." The bottom line here is that Matthews simply can't wrap his feeble little mind around the idea that conservative Hispanics exist. Once "they" start thinking for themselves, his whole ideology begins to crumble. So, he's decided that they're probably not Hispanic at all. Problem solved! Thanks MSNBC. What would we do without the wisdom of Chris Matthews? H/T Soopermexican

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