I Hope They Starve

By Jimmy Reed —— Bio and Archives September 4, 2010

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Members of the Arnold family (not their real name) never have a kind word to say about Mississippi. But they live in Mississippi. They never have a kind word to say about the South … but they live in the South. In fact, they never have anything kind to say about America, but they live in America.

They should move to Mexico, and in order not to tarnish their new homeland with anything from what their new countrymen call “the Big Gringo,” they should leave everything behind and shake the very dirt from their feet before crossing the border to greener pastures. As do those who exit northward from this Promised Land, the Arnolds should ignore inconveniences like visas, passports, and all that other legal hooey. Furthermore, they should persuade U.S. government officials to contact their Mexican counterpart amigos, and — in the name of diversity, humanity, and political correctness — arrange to have certain amenities awaiting them. Among those amenities, these expatriates should not only expect, but demand (as do thousands swarming illegally into America, ignoring her sovereignty) free medical care for the family, including all kids, legitimate or otherwise. They should insist that everything be printed in English and Spanish, and that they be afforded everyday conveniences such as dual language options at ATM machines, just like American banks provide. Furthermore, they should make certain that bi-lingual teachers educate their children — teachers who eschew reading, writing, and arithmetic, and focus instead on interactive group sessions, providing equal discussion of American culture and history, as well as Hispanic heritage. After all, it’s the kids that count, whether Latino or American, and for that reason, they must be provided equal reminders of their separate, but unique heritages, whether they care to remember where they’re from or not. Therefore, both Mexican and American flags should fly over playgrounds, as the little ones gambol and frolic with each other in games devoid of competition and winning, assuring that no child’s comfort zone is violated because he or she didn’t emerge victoriously. The Arnolds will need all the assistance they can get in order to transition swiftly to a comfortable, worry-free lifestyle. Thus, the Mexican government must assist one of the adults (the other should remain at home to nurture the bambinos) in securing employment in which income is not taxable, and food stamps and rent subsidies are provided indefinitely. Of course, to facilitate getting to work and for traveling to malls for shopping sprees, government must proffer adequate funding to help defray the cost of a new automobile, just as American government does for undocumented workers. And, finally, the Arnold’s new cradle-to-grave Big Brother benefactor cannot overlook the fact that these new immigrants, despite the taint of their American origin, must be enrolled in Mexico’s Social Security program so that they can kick back on Easy Street and savor every moment of their retirement. Well, here’s one patriotic American whose fervid wish for the Arnolds is devoid of political correctness: I hope they starve.