Oh, the times are scary, all right. We have a political system more polarized than it has been since the 1850s. We see a bizarre cultural landscape in which social norms in place for eons have been gleefully wrecked. Ideas that have traditionally bound us together have been spurned by a percentage of the population as somehow racist and ‘exclusionary,’ whatever that means. Historic inflation has already reduced our standard of living, and there’s more on the way.
So here we are. Times are scary. What do we do now? Perhaps we should look to our roots. It’s time to practice and teach the fundamentals.
What do we value? What did we used to do that we haven’t done for a while? What makes us feel loved? What makes us feel secure? What helps us appreciate each other? What makes us smile? If we can look to those activities that bind us together, even on a small scale, then the healing can begin. If you already have a church affiliation or a social group, start there. Then build on it.
Of course, the first thing that comes to this boy’s mind is Sunday dinner with Grandma Smith, and a close second is a church supper. Sharing food is always a fundamental activity in human societies. Sharing food with people we love, respect, and whose values we share is something we can practice well and practice often. We show our esteem and our love for others when we share food. It doesn’t have to be an epic calorie consumption event. It also doesn’t have to be enough food to feed a battalion. If you have scores of really close friends, put their names in a hat and draw out six to start. Have them over. Next time, draw a different six. Set up an alternating host/hostess plan. Enjoy the fellowship.
Consider some of these options (in no particular order, since pie night isn’t first) as the foundation for a gathering. Salad. Soup. Hot dish. Pancake breakfast. Waffle breakfast. Crepes. Bacon. Burgers and Brats. Cookies Galore. Meat loaf. Fresh catch. Macaroni and cheese (the real stuff, not from a box!). Baked beans. Pot roast. Slow cooker barbecue. Chicken pot pie. Pasties. Host’s specialty (endless possibilities). Classic summer fare. Ethnic. Classic winter fare. Tea and scones. Homemade donuts. Apple cider. Homemade ice cream with a toppings bar. Cake. Tailgate fare. Frog fare (You know, French stuff) . Eggs-a-million. Cheese cake. Fruit pie. Meringue pie. Custard and cream pies. Cobblers. Regional pies (I could go on). Corn on the cob. Fruit.
Play is important for human groups
What is a specialty food in your area? What grows or is harvested where you live? Vegetables? Fruit? Beef? Pork? Poultry? Game? Fish? Wheat? Rice? Dairy? Maple syrup? Mushrooms? Possum? Crawfish? Smelt? There are several ready-made fun gatherings right there.
Of course, to really get the camaraderie going, make it a carry-in. For a lasting heritage, share these things with other people and teach them to the next generation. Set an example. Ask them to carry on the tradition. Attend other gatherings.
Play is important for human groups. There are so many games (I’m thinking board games and parlor games, of course) to choose from for almost any kind of gathering. My own preference is for games of chance so that things don’t get too competitive. Some people can wreck an evening with the wrong attitude toward Monopoly, for example. I refuse to play Scrabble because there’s always somebody there who’s memorized the Scrabble dictionary with its ridiculous non-words that count for 87 points each if you know how to twist everything into a pretzel. Ooh! Pretzel! Double word score and a z! *Shudder*
Card games are okay if there aren’t any card sharks about. Hearts, Euchre, and Rook are fun if nobody is really good at them, and especially if no one can remember what was played in the previous hand. The thought of playing Bridge is the stuff of nightmares for me. On the other hand, Old Maid and Authors was always fun, Authors especially. Years later you’ll be able to list the major works of Tennyson, Stevenson, Cooper, Scott, Poe, and Longfellow, and you don’t even need to read the books!
There are outdoor games that make for great memories
Work jigsaw puzzles to exercise a different part of your brain. This can be an individual or a small group activity. It would go well with a theme like ‘Pie ‘n Puzzles.’ Crossword puzzles are also good for your head. For those with ice water in their veins, do crosswords in ink. Okay, maybe crosswords are better for individuals or spouse teams. Either way, they keep your head working and reduce the cobwebs up there.
There are outdoor games that make for great memories. Badminton, croquet, horseshoes, softball, whiffle ball, bean bag games, kickball (over the neighbor’s fence has to count as an automatic out), foursquare, washer toss, etc., all have their place when geared to your particular circle.
Who remembers the school or church carnival? That was about the only time I didn’t mind having the folks at my school. We won’t talk about the other times. Everybody has a favorite memory from the carnival. Loved that fish pond. You might only get bubble gum or Chinese handcuffs, or caps, but you caught something! Fish pond was good, but the cake walk was the best. When I was in the fifth grade I won the cake walk and got an iced angel food cake, my favorite. I still remember it. It had pale green icing and I think I ate the whole thing by myself over the following few days. It got a little dry toward the end, but who cares? Consider setting up a fish pond or a cake walk at your next gathering with kids.
Another fundamental activity to consider and to teach is gardening
Another fundamental activity to consider and to teach is gardening. If it’s winter, plan a garden. If it’s spring, plant a garden. If it’s summer, cultivate a garden. If it’s fall, harvest from the garden. When winter comes again, plan a better garden. It doesn’t have to be a multi-acre plot, and you don’t have to plant sixteen rows at a time. You won’t have to have equipment painted John Deere green or Persian orange. Whether your interests incline toward flowers or vegetables, start small. Window boxes, porch boxes, planters, barrels, mini-gardens, raised beds, or a small spread will all bring exercise, an appreciation for the sources of the rest of your food, and perhaps some beauty and a little something to eat. You’ll have to learn to be smarter than bugs and deer. That’s a low standard. Lots of people and companies will help with that. When you get the hang of growing something (legal) you like, share that skill with a friend or with young people in your world.
The world is a busy and complex place these days. Sometimes it’s ugly and sometimes it’s unpleasant, but there is another place to go. Consider updating your reading shelf. If you have books to read, perhaps start a reading schedule. Find a time of the day that can be used for reading. Reading for long stretches is nice, but not required. When I was a student I always read for pleasure or interest at mealtime. The book would be sitting there ready for the next time I ate. Keep some kind of note pad nearby in case there’s something to write down. A reading group at the library or of your own acquaintances can be rewarding and enlightening if the members are well chosen. When you read, you can escape to a different world whether real or imagined. There is so much to learn and so much wisdom and beauty that has been collected in books. You have the controls as a reader. Proceed as you wish.
Please don’t let scary times freeze you into inaction or isolation. We have a tradition of enlightenment, faith in the future, and clear thinking. Preserve and share your part of it. What do you value? What do you miss from the past? Where did those fond memories come from? Reach out to those in your area who share your values. Share your faith, your skills, your family history, your memories. Have a few people over. Start a tradition of community. Pass it along to others. We’ll all be better for it.
Dr. Bruce Smith (Inkwell, Hearth and Plow) is a retired professor of history and a lifelong observer of politics and world events. He holds degrees from Indiana University and the University of Notre Dame. In addition to writing, he works as a caretaker and handyman. His non-fiction book The War Comes to Plum Street, about daily life in the 1930s and during World War II, may be ordered from Indiana University Press.
