Mirror, Mirror on The Wall

I’m not sure how it earned this distinction, but in my childhood home, the small kitchen wall between the cellar door and the hall entrance had a special place in our house. That wall became the measuring rod for each of the children’s growth as we were getting older. Whenever any one of the five kids started that sibling rivalry chirp – you know, “who is really the favorite,” or the leader of the tribe, etc. – something about “who’s the tallest” led us back to that wall to check our stature. The pencil did not lie.

We say in business that you measure what matters

For some reason, those pencil marks remained for a long time on that kitchen wall, a visual reminder of what we previously had considered as a mark of stature— at least for five competitive adolescents growing up. Later there would be other proxies that we used as measures of our stature among our peers. There were grammar school graduations in the musty gym of our parochial school; and later high school proms and diplomas. After this would be college commencements and marriage ceremonies, moving further and further away from that small wall between the two doorways. That wall was really an inadequate measure of our stature; but it started us on the path of comparing ourselves to others to determine how we “measured up.”

We say in business that you measure what matters. If it’s important, you’re going to keep track of it. There are KPIs and performance metrics, with merit salary increases tied in to prompt greater achievements. So how does that work in our personal lives? Sure, we measure out our time to complete projects, while we juggle our calendars and we track the days to our next doctor appointment. Then there are special times during the year where we count down the days until that long weekend or a special holiday. We measure what needs to be done prior to those distinctive days by creating “to-do” lists, making sure we accomplish exactly what needs to be done until the fun is over. Then it’s back to work where we start measuring some more.

What then is the tool we use to measure internal growth?

What then is the tool we use to measure internal growth? How do we measure our own transition from immaturity to maturity; or better yet, from selfishness to selflessness, or from dissatisfaction to satisfaction and contentment? Who would even try to track this? Maybe we don’t measure those things because we do not know how to do this. Yet we seem to expect that as our later years come upon us, so will maturity and selflessness. There is no evidence that this is true – quite the contrary. According to Dr. Henry Cloud, “The immature character asks life to meet his demands. But the mature character meets the demands of life” (Cloud, 2020). There is certainly a measure there – but do we have a tool to track it.

Trey Gowdy has a lot to say about different measurements to gauge our approach to achieving success or significance (Duncan, 2023). In his best-selling book Start, Stay, or Leave, Gowdy gives three metaphors that people may use to guide career decision-making, and subsequently success: the pyramid, the ladder, and the mirror (Gowdy, 2023). The pyramid allows us to consider our success or significance based on factors we have chosen to represent achievements. The pyramid uses the markers of success like education, or an elevated corporate position, like getting the corner office with the window view, or other distinguishing levels of attainment that are perceived by us to be significant among our peers.

The mirror is just as it says, a reflection to ourselves of what we have become

The ladder is more of a straight scale of success, according to Gowdy (Duncan, 2023). In this model we let others scale or measure success on our behalf (Duncan, 2023). The ladder envisions climbing to the top of an organization and looking in a singular way at one’s path forward. The ladder, says Gowdy, is more of an external benchmark of significance, as compared to the pyramid model which is more internally determined by the markers we choose as significant (Duncan, 2023). 

The mirror is just as it says, a reflection to ourselves of what we have become. We look back at ourselves in the glass, which offers a visual reflection to remind us if we have achieved our dream or objective based on our self-perception. A variation on the mirror is when we compare ourselves to someone else. Then they become a sort of mirror as to whether we have achieved some level of significance or success – an approach similar to the pencil marks on our kitchen wall.

I like the mirror metaphor for a measure, not of someone else, but of the person looking back at me. The mirror truly represents a sort of snapshot of what we are when the view is taken. We can try and build into it and consider looking past the person we see on the other side, but we won’t get away with this for long. We could daydream and layer in some thoughtful attributes that may not necessarily be perceived by that image looking back at us.

But a mirror is a simple reflection of an individual at a particular time and place. Unless you bring along other signals or symbols of success, it only sees what is evident. It only reflects what is placed in front of it. And that is something that we need: we need a stark reminder of our own humanity and limited abilities.

We can use the metaphor of the mirror as something that reflects where we currently are in our personal development, if we will consider its truth and not forget the image that we see. The author of the epistle James uses the mirror as a metaphor for the Word of God. James describes the Word of God as a mirror, a visual metaphor for not only hearing the Word of God but doing what it says (James 1:23-24). Most of us would not look at a mirror and forget what we see. Yet James says if you fail to connect the Word of God you HEAR with follow up action, it is the same as forgetting what we have seen in the mirror.

I think this is an appropriate metaphor for how we can measure our growth from dissatisfaction to satisfaction, because we do often forget to work on ourselves instead of comparing our success to others. We fail to consider finding satisfaction in intangible things while pushing to accomplish some ‘perceived as important’ short-term career goal. We act as James warned us – forgetting the Word we heard, and instead live as frustrated people not quite living up to our oversized expectations.

At another place, the Apostle Paul would use the mirror metaphor to describe our interactions with the Holy God: in our present state this is more like grasping spiritual things dimly, not fully grasping the enormity of what is happening (1 Corinthians 13:12). But when the end comes, if we have been true to the Word of God and have not measured ourselves against worldly success, we will see things clearly, like seeing the Living God face to face.

Our knowledge here is blurred, like a poor reflection. But when we stand before the Majesty in Heaven, then we shall know the truth fully – about ourselves, about our sin yes; but also about this great redemption and God’s perfect love that bought us (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)!

I hope to use my mirror to build a real reflective approach to important things. I want to make good decisions based on the Word of God, and to not forget the person looking back at me. Sometimes that view is not pretty. But the end state for those who stay true to God and His word will be far better. The status ladders I have climbed will quickly fade away (1 Corinthians 13:10), while being in God’s glorious Presence will last forever. Much longer than those marks on the kitchen wall, and much more significant.

Sources:

Cloud, H. (2020, August 18). Immature People Ask Life to Meet Their Demands. Boundaries.me [Web Blog]

Cuncic, A. (2023, May 30). What Does It Mean to Be Anal-Retentive? VVeryWellMind.com [Web Blog]. 

Duncan, R.D. (2023, January 24). Trey Gowdy on How to Decide To Make Better Decisions. Forbes: Leadership [Web Blog].

Gowdy, T. (2023). Start, Stay, or Leave: The Art of Decision Making. New York, NY: Crown Forum Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House

Joseph J. Bucci has served as a Pastor, Author, HR Director, Director of Training, Professor and Consultant. He teaches in the College of Arts and Sciences at Regent University in Virginia Beach. He has written two books and numerous articles on the theme of integrating faith with life and our work. You can contact Dr. Bucci at: Joseph J Bucci