By Joseph J. Bucci ——Bio and Archives--June 7, 2024
There is a lovely quote I found while looking into the science of self-confidence and belief. The quote comes from author Katie Kacvinski, who wrote, “It's amazing how far you're willing to go when someone believes in you” (Kacvinski, 2012). I found this quote on a number of social media posts and wondered about the source. The source of the quote is a fiction novel written by Kacvinski. Being a little bit of a nerdy researcher, I asked myself the question, “So is there any research that supports this?” Is there research that supports the idea that people will go to great lengths to achieve something if they know that someone believes in them?
I found some tangential research on our own beliefs and how they can empower us or limit us. There are confirmation bias studies, which refer to a person’s tendency to look for and interpret information that is consistent with their beliefs (Casad & Luebering, 2024). So, for example, once I make a decision on a matter, I look for information to support my thinking. I may also search for information to support my expectations (Casad & Luebering, 2024). This can work positively or negatively. Another way to say this is “Belief dictates behavior.” What I believe about someone or something – even what I believe about myself – will be demonstrated in how I act towards others, and how I act towards myself. According to CEO and author Susan Steinbrecker, success or failure starts with a thought. Repeated thoughts over time become beliefs. These beliefs dictate our behavior as mentioned previously – they run the show as Steinbrecker says (Steinbrecker, 2017). People who struggle with success feel like they have one foot on the side of possibility; and the other foot on the side of not being good enough (Steinbrecker, 2017).
How does this affect my trajectory if I have “stinkin thinkin” about myself? I’m glad you asked. According to author Susan Fishman (Fishman, 2022), “stinkin thinkin,” or what psychologists call cognitive distortions, are a natural part of being human. If they happen too often, they can lead to anxiety or depression. This can become a pattern of self-sabotage. I am no psychologist, but as a young man I let my emotions and “stinkin thinkin” get the best of me at times.
What helped me was stepping back from my frustrations and emotional outbursts and asking questions like, “what are the facts here,” in order to separate my emotions from the situation. It also helped to play ‘devil’s advocate’ and ask, “what is the worst that can happen?” This might sound like I was setting myself up for a whole lot of anxiety. But this helped me to avoid jumping to conclusions about the situation, and led to a more measured response, no matter how difficult the situation might be. And each of these insights came as a result of someone coaching me up – someone who “believed in me” and who knew that I had greater potential.
Donald Miller, the author of several best-selling books like “Business Made Simple,” and “Building a Storybrand” uses the storytelling methodology to point to the importance of coaches or guides in our lives. In Miller’s case, he is referring to an organization acting as a guide to help its customers become the hero of their own story. According to Miller, the guide gives the hero a plan, which can be as simple as a change of thinking: “you used to think this way, but I want you to think another way” (Miller, 2017). Miller uses classic stories we all know to make his point: Yoda believed in Luke Skywalker. Gramma Tala believed in Moana. Mr. Miyagi believed in Daniel LaRusso, the “Karate Kid.” Each of them found success when someone believed in them and encouraged them to change their thinking and to not give up. The guide helps the hero break through their “stinkin thinkin” and gives them confidence that their lives can be better, and they can be successful.
Support and encouragement from others is a remarkable tool to support achievement. In the book, “Gung Ho!” by Ken Blanchard and Sheldon Bowles, the authors use the setting of a business turn-around in an allegory where a wise Native American guide introduces principles that lead the protagonists to find success. One of the principles is called, “the gift of the goose.” This is the idea that all that honking you hear when geese are flying is akin to the geese cheering each other on. The book uses this honking as a metaphor to represent individuals cheering one another on to success.
I thought I might try this concept out as my son’s soccer team faced a two-day championship tournament against teams with more talent that had beaten them previously. So I “honked” and cheered like a crazy person for them as they won three games in two days and their regional championship. For my full-throated effort, I was awarded “Most Enthusiastic Parent.” George Madison Adams, a four-term congressman and Secretary of State from Kentucky was reported to have said, “There are high spots in all of our lives and most of them have come about through encouragement from someone else. I don’t care how great, how famous or successful a man or woman may be, each hungers for applause” (Inspirational Quotes, 2024).
So, where am I going with this? Let me speak to you as your guide to all things possible: I can tell you with confidence that, “I believe in you!” You might say, “How can you say that? You don’t even know me.” I may not know you personally; but I know Who made you; and I know a lot more about you than you think.
I know that you are God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10), and that He has great works ahead for you to do! Jesus told us that God knows when a small sparrow falls; and that you are worth more than many sparrows to God (Matthew 10:29-31). I know that God redeemed you with the precious blood of Jesus (1 Peter 1:18-19) and this shows how valuable and precious you are to Him. I know that God designed you with a purpose, and He has an amazing plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11). I know that God is ready to teach you His ways and lead you to your glorious future (Psalm 32:8). God wants you to shine and to reach your full potential because it gives Him glory and points to His magnificent design (Psalm 139:13-16). According to St Irenaeus of Lyons, “The glory of God is man fully alive” (Wolfe, 2023).
There is a great cloud of witnesses (Hebrews 12:1), cheering you on from the sidelines! Now it’s time for you to believe in yourself, and put both of your feet on the side of possibility (Steinbrecker, 2012). With the Holy Spirit as your Guide (John 16:13), there’s no telling how far you’ll be able to go with God on your side (Psalm 118:6)! Yes, I believe in you!
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Joseph J. Bucci has served as a Pastor, Author, HR Director, Director of Training, Professor and Consultant. He teaches in the College of Arts and Sciences at Regent University in Virginia Beach. He has written two books and numerous articles on the theme of integrating faith with life and our work. You can contact Dr. Bucci at: Joseph J Bucci