You Can Get What You Want

I am guessing that for some of you, when you saw the title of the article, you joined with me in singing the famous line from the Rolling Stones song, “You Can't Always Get What You Want” (Jagger and Richards, 1969). I sang that line many times raising five children, before they even knew there was an 8-track tape song with that title. Did I say 8-track? Jagger finishes that chorus by saying, “But if you try sometimes, well, you might find, you get what you need” (Jagger and Richards, 1969).

And that’s essentially what we are told in life. You cannot always get what you want, but if you get what you need, you should be satisfied. There are many people who strive to achieve great success, pursuing vigorously what they want, and when they get there, it is not at all what they thought it would be. They are miserable and it is never enough. That is what we are told.

Is this really true? Is it true that striving for want you want and then getting it will not necessarily make you satisfied. Because this is really the answer to the question. “If I get what I want, will this be enough?”

There is actually data to support this idea. A study written up on the financial website MarketWatch.com found that after people achieve a certain household income level, more income than this had a tendency to be linked with reduced life satisfaction and a diminished sense of well-being (Hill, 2018). OK, well give me a lower sense of well-being and less satisfaction if I can pay my bills, right? But it is something to consider.

Working to achieve more and more – trying to “get what you (think you) want” – sometimes takes precedent over an appreciation for the precious things in life, like enjoying our growing children, nurturing our spouse, or building memories and relationships. This is also addressed in the MarketWatch article. The author quotes from psychologist Elizabeth Lombardo, who identifies this continual drive to achieve more as the “treadmill effect” (Hill, 2018). For some people, the next thing has to be bigger and better than what we had before. In that sense, lacking satisfaction with what you have can cause you as an individual and those who love you great frustration. Is there ever enough?

So getting what you need should be sufficient. And yet we owe a debt of gratitude to those pioneers whose self-sacrifice and determination would not accept the status-quo, and who pursued a desire for something they wanted – a heretofore unconquered truth – beyond the commonly accepted narrative of the day. Remember Christopher Columbus? What about Thomas Edison? What of those explorers who landed on the Moon or plumbed the farthest depths of the oceans? What of those scientists who wanted answers that might eradicate disease or solve biological riddles? These are vivid testimonies to “getting what you want” and how this pursuit benefitted more than the individuals who obtained it.

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want”

This perspective is not often considered as getting what you want, because a greater good was served in the attainment of the object of desire. Super salesman and author Zig Zigler captured this thought perfectly when he stated, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want” (BrainyQuote, n.d.).

Let’s get back to the question of getting what we want. What we want is often not just a thing. We know that inanimate objects like trophies, offices, jewelry, or certificates themselves do not satisfy. But what these things represent are often objects of our desire: recognition, or the applause of others. So what is it for you? Is it a status or a relationship? Affirmative recognition?

In the book Lead Like Jesus (2005) authors Ken Blanchard and Phil Hodges suggested that the most destructive formula for one’s self-perception is the equation “my self-worth = my performance + the opinion of others” (Blanchard and Hodges, 2005). There is much variability and uncertainty in depending on these measures of worth to align perfectly. These cause us to strive to achieve a want that we might never achieve. We may never find 100% of the people that agree with us and the things that we do, nor can we always perform perfectly since we are fallible human beings. Even the great Derek Jeter, Hall of Fame baseball player for the New York Yankees, who was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 2020, is still bothered that he did not receive a unanimous first ballot induction (Young, 2024). Although Jeter received 99.7% of the Hall of Fame votes, one person did not vote for him but instead abstained. That still bothers Jeter up until this day, even with all of his athletic successes and money and notoriety.

You can get what you want, but at what cost? 

Let’s do some more math! Here is the equation: “my success (my want) = _____?” Make sure when you solve this problem, you eliminate anything that has transitory value or variability as we already discussed. Emotions are variable. Today it’s sunny, so I’m happy; but tomorrow it’s raining and I am blue. Titles, positions, money in the bank, fame, recognition… all those things are variable. They don’t stay the same. And they don’t really deliver success. They put us in a position where we might attain some status – but are they really what you want? So how do you solve the problem?

You can get what you want, but at what cost? The Bible talks about counting the cost. Jesus talked about a man who begins building a tower, who must count the cost to assure he might finish the work or else be mocked when not completing the task (Luke 14:28-30 ESV). Here Jesus was speaking of discipleship, seeing your pursuit of faith through until as the Book of James says, “you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing” (James 1:4). This sounds a lot like getting what you want.

In Israel’s history, King David was a man of great tenacity, who had the heart of a warrior yet he depended on God to get what he wanted. Often times he asked the Lord for the opportunity to defeat an enemy and to achieve a goal. He certainly had times where in his own self-interest he neglected to ask God about important decisions which caused him great heartache. He wrote about many of these situations in songs, similar to Mick Jagger.

David was a prolific songwriter, penning at least 75 of 150 songs in the Bible, or as we know them today, Psalms (GotQuestions, n.d.). David wrote in Psalm 37 that we should “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). There seems to be a little bit of a paradox here.

To know the Living God is to attain everlasting life

If we delight in the Lord, that should give us joy and contentment; and yet David wrote that we could still receive the desires of our heart. That seems to suggest that when we have God and we fully delight in Him, what He provides will satisfy the wants of our hearts.

To know the Living God is to attain everlasting life (John 17:3); and in this Kingdom of God we find righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost (Romans 14:17). By this we attain a full portion of satisfaction, no matter what we attain on this earth. Jesus promised that those who obtain God will hunger and thirst no more (John 6:35).

So the answer to the question is, “Yes, you can get what you want!” Do you want pleasure, complete joy, and long life? Songwriter King David wrote that we could have it all – we just need to know the Source (Psalm 16:11): “You (God) make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore!”

Sources:

Blanchard, K. & Hodges, P. (2005). Lead Like Jesus. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

BrainyQuote (n.d.). Zig Zigler Quotes. BrainyQuote.com. Retrieved from https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/zig-ziglar-quotes.

GotQuestions (n.d.). How many psalms did David write? GotQuestions.org. Retrieved from https://www.gotquestions.org/Psalms-David.html.

Hill, C. (2018, February 22). The dark reasons so many rich people are miserable human beings.

MarketWatch: Personal Finance: Moneyish [Web Blog]. Retrieved from https://www.marketwatch.com/story/the-dark-reasons-so-many-rich-people-are-miserable-human-beings-2018-02-22.

Jagger, M.; & Richards, K. (1969). “You Can't Always Get What You Want." Song from the Album, Let It Bleed. AllMusic. Retrieved from https://www.allmusic.com/song/t2770206.

Young, G. (2024, June 22). New York Yankees Icon Derek Jeter Opens Up About Hall of Fame Voter Snub. Sports Illustrated [Web Blog]. Retrieved from https://www.si.com/mlb/yankees/news/new-york-yankees-icon-derek-jeter-opens-up-about-hall-of-fame-voter-snub.

Zigler, Z. (1977). See You at the Top. New Orleans, LA: Pelican Publishing.

Joseph J. Bucci has served as a Pastor, Author, HR Director, Director of Training, Professor and Consultant. He teaches in the College of Arts and Sciences at Regent University in Virginia Beach. He has written two books and numerous articles on the theme of integrating faith with life and our work. You can contact Dr. Bucci at: Joseph J Bucci