Commie Asses Invade Denver—Where Are the Marines?

It is 3 AM in the morning and the red phone in the Oval Office is ringing off the bloody hook. A major American city has been invaded, state and local law enforcement officials need an immediate, intelligible response from our commander-in-chief. True to form, President Bush is preoccupied clearing brush and tumbleweed on his ranch in Texas, as is his custom every August. He simply has no time to get involved. Put simply, brush and tumbleweed he can handle, but rambunctious asses are beyond W's pay grade.

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Besides, the president's second most pressing priority is to keep the nation of Georgia from falling into communist hands. Just as he has done so many times over the past eight years, Bush loses sleep and frets over borders and homeland security in foreign lands, thousands of miles from home, while blithely ignoring grave dangers here at home. Adding to the Bush legacy of apathy when it comes to defending the homeland in the homeland, now the great city of Denver has fallen into enemy hands as well. It almost as though W is ashamed of America's borders, language, and culture, and is unwilling to fight for preservation of the American Dream except on behalf of unskilled Latinos who, like the president himself, just cannot seem to handle English. W's unspoken rule of thumb seems to be, "Unless Saudi Islamofascists have rammed a few jumbo jets into New York City skyscrapers or the Pentagon, don't bother me!" Which is most unfortunate because it overlooks the insidious harm that can be inflicted on our nation by enemies of America masquerading as Democrats. Do not be fooled by the disorganized, spastic behavior of those liberals, Mr. President, they are far more dangerous than they appear. Remember that liberals like Barack Obama, Joe Biden, Jimmy Carter, Bill and Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Harry Reid, and Nancy Pelosi are threatening to bring about a "new beginning" for America. That means terrorist-friendly defense and homeland security, scrapping of the US Constitution, reliance on junk science when it comes to the myth of global warming, skyrocketing taxes, infanticide for tens of millions of fetuses, and bludgeoning of God and religious faith at every opportunity. Is that what America really deserves, Mr. President? Of course not! What America desperately needs is for our lame-duck president to send the US Marines into Denver with orders to arrest and remove every last commie pinko from the convention center, the city of Denver, and the state of Colorado. Ship the whole lot of liberal loonies to Mexico, Iraq, or even Kenya. Do it for the children, Mr. President!