These issues often begin quietly and seem manageable – especially to children who are themselves aging and determined to respect their parent’s independence. But over time, the strain mounts. The risks mount. And the emotional toll mounts.
What would my father advise? He was never hesitant to speak plainly. When writing, he would use a quote, as from Will Rogers, who said, “Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.” My father would say, “Don’t kid yourself. No one gets it perfect, but don’t make foolish mistakes.”
He would remind people that caring for aging parents requires equal measures of compassion and practicality. He would urge families to plan early, before a crisis, and to involve physicians, trusted friends, and community supports. He would insist that safety is not a betrayal of dignity. And he would encourage caregivers to look after their own well-being too, because no one can pour from an empty cup.
Now it’s my turn to offer counsel. I can speak to the matter of love. And I can attest that it doesn’t always look like those old greeting cards. Sometimes love is repetitive, tiring, and unglamorous work. Sometimes it is stepping in sooner than you expected. Sometimes it is saying “no” to someone who once taught you to say “yes.” But it is still love.
And if my father taught me anything, it’s that the hardest work we do for the people we love often becomes, in time, the work we treasure most.
This column offers opinions on health and wellness, not personal medical advice. Visit www.docgiff.com to learn more. For comments, diana@docgiff.com. Follow on Instagram @diana_gifford_jones
