I want to tell you about a beautiful little boy named Martin. He was the apple of his parent’s eyes. He was their first born. And he was beautiful. With a smile that went from ear to ear. Then one day without warning Martin died. At home; surrounded by his mother, his grandmother, the family doctor, the fire department, the police and the ambulance crew. His father had tried, vainly, to get home. Martin was two and a half.
I was born two years later. My mother taught me early on that it is the small hurts that prepare us for the truly big ones-not that she ever thought that something like that would happen to me. I also learned from her that victim-hood is a choice. I wrote about this in my book Back to the Ethic: Reclaiming Western Values.
And that brings me to the Valkyries at the Ghomeshi trial-- the former CBC radio host Jian Ghomeshi whose sexual assault trial ended in acquittal. Women who grew up in bubble wrap, followed around by helicopter parents and now need “safe spaces” at university so their feelings won’t be hurt. They didn’t like the verdict given by Judge William Horkins . It hurt their feelings. They "knew" from the get-go that Ghomeshi was guilty because women said so and we all know that abused women never lie. I guess that begs the question-were any of these women abused? What is the definition of abuse anyway? A kiss not wanted, a caress not desired? Rough sex? Is it abuse if the man involved stops the moment the woman says no?
Are all women who experience “abuse” the same? No. Individuals experience the same event differently. Yet, there is something terribly wrong with those who equate a woman who has had one bad experience, like rough sex, with women who live in abusive relationships and wait a long time to get out from fear of losing their children and/or losing their financial safety. All kinds of reasons for these women to take abuse and return for more. It is what psychologist Erik Fromm called fear of freedom and the return to “the comfort of the enslavement of the known and familiar.”
But these women? Colluding with each other? Leaving out facts? There are sins of commission and sins of omission. I think the latter are far worse because how is one to know what was left out of a narrative? If not for Ghomeshi’s actions-saving all his emails-which some people found odd-guess they never met anyone with OCD or something similar-he would be in jail. But for the Valkyries this was not important. What matters was: “We believe survivors.” Of what?
There was the photo of a young woman, hands behind her back, having been arrested by the police, smiling into the camera. She was naked from the waist up so we could read “misogyny” across her chest. I suggest this young woman and too many of her cohorts have no idea of the meaning of misogyny. Because if they did they would be protesting every day against the abuse against women in Muslim countries. Abuse that has been brought to Canada in the name of tolerance, inclusion and accommodation.
Children murdered, then fed to their own mothers
She could have stood up-naked- and fought for the safety of these women who are disfigured by acid thrown into their faces, noses cut off, stoned to death-for being raped! She could have stood naked in the name of the Yazidi girls and women who were raped by Muslims in Syria and Turkey.
From an article by Turkish journalist Uzay Bulut: (Some women might need a “Trigger warning”).
"IS [Islamic State] offers women and underage children in a kind of virtual slave market with for-sale photos. ... The transfer of money, as the reporter discovered, takes place through a liaison office in Turkey.” Where are the Valkyries?
"Some of those women and girls have had to watch 7-, 8-, and 9-year-old children bleed to death before their eyes, after being raped by ISIS militia multiple times a day.” Where are the Valkyries?
"ISIS militias have burned many Yezidi girls alive for refusing to convert and marry ISIS men.” Where are the Valkyries?
Then there are “mothers whose children were torn from them by ISIS. These same mothers came to plead for the return of their children, only to be informed, that they, the mothers, had been fed the flesh of their own children by ISIS. Children murdered, then fed to their own mothers.” Where are the Valkyries?
Support Canada Free Press
Condoning the right of men to abuse women because we are condoning the symbol of abuse-the niqab.
And she could have stood naked in front of the House of Commons and demanded that Prime Minister Trudeau roll back the law that he endorsed allowing women to wear a niqab when taking the oath of allegiance to Canada or wearing it anywhere in public.
The niqab is a symbol that screams that women are lesser than men. In Islam it is well known and taught, even in Canada, that a woman can be raped by her husband and beaten by him-preferably not in the face- and she must dutifully accept these actions. In downtown Toronto you can get books on how to “treat” your Muslim wife.
You can hear it in mosques in Canada.
We are condoning the right of men to abuse women because we are condoning the symbol of abuse-the niqab. And should a woman in this country choose to wear the symbol of abused women, then we have done something terribly wrong. We have either failed them in acculturating or we have given in to a culture that is diametrically opposed to ours out of fear of being called a racist or Islamophobic while patting ourselves on the back for being open and tolerant. I call this suicide-by-democracy.
Thomas Mann observed, when it is evil that is tolerated, then tolerance is a crime. And there is evil in the world. We cannot afford to believe, or worse, to act, as if this is not true.
Let the Valkyries stand up for the real abused women-not those who had a bad date and then went back for more to “normalize the situation.” And let the Valkyries encourage women to choose not to be victims. There is nothing valorous about being a victim. Ask the women in Muslim countries and Muslim women n Canada who do not choose the veil or agree with the rights of their husbands to beat them up.
Diane Weber Bederman is a blogger for ‘Times of Israel’, a contributor to Convivium, a national magazine about faith in our community, and also writes about family issues and mental illness. She is a multi-faith endorsed hospital trained chaplain.
I want to tell you about a beautiful little boy named Martin. He was the apple of his parent’s eyes. He was their first born. And he was beautiful. With a smile that went from ear to ear. Then one day without warning Martin died. At home; surrounded by his mother, his grandmother, the family doctor, the fire department, the police and the ambulance crew. His father had tried, vainly, to get home. Martin was two and a half.
I was born two years later. My mother taught me early on that it is the small hurts that prepare us for the truly big ones-not that she ever thought that something like that would happen to me. I also learned from her that victim-hood is a choice. I wrote about this in my book Back to the Ethic: Reclaiming Western Values.
