As of last night, April 9, 2018, satellite thermography had mysteriously recorded tiny patches of ground at Monticello and Mount Vernon, Virginia as well as in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania and points scattered throughout the East - Northeast, at temperatures nearing 600°F. The nearly forty red spots in an otherwise black infrared photo were identified as the gravesites of the signers of our United States Constitution. The heat generated, local authorities said, was attributed to the spinning bodies of the interred. Granted, a silly opening for an article concerning one of the most singularly shameful and stunningly horrific points to date in our national history: Yesterday, most obviously some time shortly after the dropdead deadline wherein Tucker Carlson could have appropriately given it the incredulous sarcasm and scathing criticism it deserved, the FBI raided our president's attorney's office and his Park Avenue hotel room. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT ANY JUDGE IN THIS LAND WOULD HAVE PERMITTED SUCH AN ATROCITY.

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