Global Warming in a Nutshell

One source is unthinking people who own small (mostly under 15" diameter) globe maps of the world and who also own one of the larger sized ovens. Very few of these people store their globe maps in their ovens -- most who do so are NY City residents who occupy cramped studio apartments. As you might easily guess, once in a while this tiny minority of small-globe/large-oven owners become inadvertent causes of Global Warming. The cumulative effect is not very significant, especially when you consider that this often causes the stove to become totally inoperative for some time (even permanently in some cases) which creates a forced reduction in the total number of globes warmed. The other source is people outside NY City who keep their globes on the mantelpiece over the fireplace instead of on a desk or table in the office, den, or family room.

Abbreviated History of the Prevailing Theory of Man-Caused Global Warming

There was little Global Warming until the 1960s and 1970s when a lot of "new age" and other eccentrics, mystics, and assorted numbnuts succumbed to the fad of walking on live coals in an attempt to prove something about their self-worth.   This greatly increased man's carbon footprints, and scientists the world over, both the phonies and the stupid ones, mis-diagnosed the cause as emissions from man's use of hydrocarbon fuels.  It took 2 decades or more before the practitioners of the "firewalking" fad learned the full truth about how many of their kind had made ashes of themselves, and the popularity of this fad then dwindled.  Their carbon footprints followed.  This last explains the global cooling we've seen since the late 1990s, but a very long lag-time is to be expected before the community of Environmental Scientists recognizes this as the correct explanation of observed temperature records (ii).

Dissenting Views

There is only one major view dissenting from the above history.  As is well known, the warmth of every physical object is measured in degrees (on any of several different temperature scales).    The warming of any object increases directly with an increasing number of measured degrees.    With the advent of so-called Environmental "Science" a few decades ago, institutions of higher education have been increasing the number of degrees around the world.   In their selfish attempt to line their own pockets via increased tuition and government research-grant revenues, these institutions have vastly increased the number of degrees created for inept scientist wannabees who would otherwise have been destined to become engine greasers, piston polishers, wire tappers, horn blowers, and most of all, journalists and other members of the nation's core “human resource” of illiterati.   Per the foregoing, this increase in the number of degrees is, by definition, Warming, and since this has been a global phenomenon, the dissenters attribute Global Warming to this fact of man's recent history.

Conclusions

Because there is a certain (degree of) logic to the dissenting view, many believe that a combination of both explanations (1. firewalking/globe maps and 2. degrees in Environmental "Science") is where the truth lies.   Of course, wherever and whenever the truth lies, you have a contradiction, and possibly even an oxymoron. So the best course would seem to be to ignore all of the above, along with any other "theories" of man-caused Global Warming or Climate Change, all of which are almost as well supported by scientific facts as the theories discussed herein. (ii) The author hastens to correct any misapprehension that the use of the word “nutshell” may be intended as an indirect reference to the skull of a Man-Caused Global Warming adherent. Actually, the title of this paper was inspired by the observation that effects of the man-caused Global Warming hypothesis --which was both developed and accepted by a large number of people who may be loosely described as “nuts”—have mushroomed into what is very probably the largest shell game in human history