After delivering a highly effective
ultra-processed speech product to the Democrat Convention –
apparently plagiarized – Joe Biden attended a lively after-event fest. Having already shoveled onto Americans many large, warm and greasy hunks of deep-fried baloney, Biden paused a moment to salute a man he considers his biggest single influence. Barack Obama, or his brawny consort Michelle? No. Instead, he saluted
King Friday, Mister Rogers Neighborhood's Sovereign.
King Friday, Immortal Puppet
Caught unawares, the euphoric post-convention crowd was stunned at Biden's bursting into tears at his own announcement made into a
Mister Microphone. The crowd's boozy euphoria buoyed Biden while he laughed, drooled, and sang off-key
"It's a wonderful day in the neighbrohood..." Joe roared, "King Friday, Puppet of the People – He's My Twin!"
Tom Hanks, Master Spirit
As if by magic,
Tom Hanks turned a corner, hair full of confetti and COVID-19, proudly holding aloft Prince Tuesday as Joe Biden's mouth popped open like an over-packed trunk. Hanks said, "Joe – He wouldn't go to bed unless we said hi and congratulated you on this convention." Joe's eyes watered as King Friday arose and piped up in an odd, high voice, "Well, hello neighbor Joe!" Biden was so overwhelmed he instinctively shook a flask of
Pappy van Winkle whiskey down his sleeve, kept for special occasions.
King Friday's Ten Commands
After securing his lips to the whiskey flask, Joe's eyes rolled back
like a Lucky 8-Ball and he quickly lost consciousness. As he slipped into deep slumber, Joe snorted like a large warthog wriggling into a mud wallow, then was completely out. When Joe awoke, many days later, with a street sweeper ominously close, King Friday had departed, but left this exquisitely crafted note behind:
10 Golden Rules of Puppet Leadership
- Never Go Off Script.
The biggest rule of Puppet Kingship is to never think for yourself. This is exquisitely dangerous and not worth the risk.
- Always Plagiarize.
See above. If you can't get your own thought leader to write a script, steal it from someone else.
- When Confronted, Shout, "C'mon Man!!"
When Joe is threatened, this triggers the "C'mon man!!" response. This is fight or flight reaction, happening deep in his autonomic defense system.
- Sniff Hair While Kissing Females
Does Joe have a favorite shampoo?
- Support Every Popular Liberal Idea
A politician can't fail supporting the people's opinion, even if changing weekly. That's being a man of the people! C'mon Man! Obama called it, ‘Leading from behind.' It's especially helpful if you can't even remember what you believed yesterday.
- A Progressive King Has a Big Tent
Even King Friday understands that remaining popular means accepting every liberal innovation.
- Insult the Unconverted: 15% of Americans are "Bad People."
Biden said, "There are probably anywhere from 10-15% of the people out there that are just not very good people."
- Constantly Lie, Embellish and Confabulate
A Puppet King only passes what his party demands, especially with mush brains, and lies like the Devil to get support.
- Avoid Termites at all Costs
Goes without saying a wooden leader must avoid fires and termites.
- NEW – Obey Every Command of Kamala
And there you have Joe Biden's only ever Ten Commandments.
Kelly O'Connell——
Bio and Archives
Kelly O’Connell is an author and attorney. He was born on the West Coast, raised in Las Vegas, and matriculated from the University of Oregon. After laboring for the Reformed Church in Galway, Ireland, he returned to America and attended law school in Virginia, where he earned a JD and a Master’s degree in Government. He spent a stint working as a researcher and writer of academic articles at a Miami law school, focusing on ancient law and society. He has also been employed as a university Speech & Debate professor. He then returned West and worked as an assistant district attorney. Kelly is now is a private practitioner with a small law practice in New Mexico.
