The Great Undecider Takes Another Road Trip

"ROAD TRIP!" shouted the excited voice of Barack Obama as he yelled into the telephone. Veteran reporter and Chief of the International Bureau of Stoos Views' media conglomerate Hugh Betcha, had to hold the ear piece of the phone away from his ear as he heard the news. "What?" the reporter asked. "Road trip! We are heading out this week to the Far East. Want to hang out?" the President asked his friend and confidante. This was not the first time Hugh had been asked to accompany Obama on a boondoggle. Hugh, the most trusted name in the media, who moves with equal ease about both sides of the aisle in Congress and has access to political figures that would make Chris ("Tingle Down My Leg When Obama Speaks") Mathews blush with envy, was quick to accept.

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"Certainly, Mr. President, I would be delighted. Where to?" "The freakin' Orient--China, Japan, anywhere..." The President replied. "How long?" Hugh inquired. "Eight days, longer if I can find a reason." "But don't you have more important things to do?" the reporter asked. "Yeah, but hey, that stuff can wait...gotta get out of here, you know," the President responded, "been at least a week or two since we traveled anywhere." "What do you expect to accomplish from this trip exactly?"
the reporter inquired. "Will this be another World Groveling Tour or what?" "Naw, don't think so; I have apologized enough for awhile. Although I might do a little bowing to those emperors and prime ministers and so forth. They like that stuff and it makes me look humble. That is, if my back can take it. After bowing so low to His Royal Majesty and God on Earth, the Sultan of Saudi Arabia--whoever that dude was--I threw my back out. I am bringing along the Presidential Chiropractor this trip...just in case I feel the need to grovel and bow again." "What's that music you are playing?" asked the reporter, referring to the raucous music playing in the background. "It's our Road Trip CD. Michele and I play it every time we take a road trip. You know, like "On the Road Again," "We Gotta Get Out of This Place," "Come Go With Me," "Silver Wings," "Driving My Life Away," all the good ones. Sort of gets you in the mood to hit the road again, you know." "Yeah, but is this one really necessary? I mean, after all, the Japanese are no longer going to fuel our ships in their ports--after they attacked us and we spent hundreds of millions rebuilding their country. The Chinese people think we are their greatest enemy and they cannot even use the internet or worship God without fear of being jailed; they are joined at the pocketbook with our worst enemies like Iran and Venezuela and have no intention of leaning on Iran to stop their nuclear program and..." "...I know all that," the President said, impatiently, "we don't hope to accomplish a lot on this trip, however it does accomplish one important goal," he noted. "Meaning?" "It gets my a** out of the country and away from all this hard crap I gotta decide." "Well, what did you expect when you ran for President?" the reporter pressed. "Man, campaigning for the office was way more fun than occupying it. I mean, you campaign, you get to take shots at The Evil One--George Bush--you just look cool, talk cool, be cool, which I am of course, the ladies swoon, people think it is hip to vote for a guy like me, you know, you get to travel around, make promises you can't keep, and you get your face on the news and in the magazines and everyone loves you. You get elected and they hold big parties and all that stuff...." "...your point?" Hugh asked. "...yeah, but then you get here and well, this crap is hard. I mean you gotta make life and death decisions, convince people you really know something about the economy when you don't, and, after nine or ten months, then you don't have the Bush Did It excuse any more. Then, man, it is all on me. The Left doesn't like me any more because I did not keep all my promises to them; the Right never did like me, the economy is in the crapper, jobless rate is 3 points higher than I predicted, we are fighting a War of Necessity in Afghanistan, as I called it during the election, and after awhile this is just no fun." "So?" "So, it is time to hit the road man! If you spend half your time in office out of the office, then you have half the worry! Traveling around and being important is fun, the taxpayers foot the bill, and I get to chill and eat some great food. We will get the visit the Great Wall, hang out with some Chinese guys and shoot some hoops. I bet I can stuff any one of them." "How about Afghanistan, Mr. President what is your dec--" "Sorry, gotta go turn down the sound a little, can't hear you..." the President said as he excused himself to turn down the volume on his CD player. "I was saying, you have been accused of putting off a decision on the number of troo---" "Just a minute, gotta let the dog out, be right back," the President excused himself once again. "As I was about to say, the press and the American public are getting impatient about the delay in deciding whether to send more----" "Sorry, the battery is going out on the cell, can I call you back later on this? Gotta run." Whereupon the President abruptly hung up the phone. Further attempts to contact the President were unsuccessful. And, due to logistical problems, the ace reporter was, according to the Secret Service, unable to accompany the President.