It was only last week that a friend of mine was extolling the joys of teaching the younger year levels at Christmas time. You will always find one or two bullies, intent on robbing the young ones of their Christmas dreams. “Santa’s not real,” they’d call, “it’s just your parents!”
Well, for those of us who want to continue living the dream, there are some facts that we can take to heart.
Each year, around this time, a flood of articles parade across the internet, touting the impossible nature of Santa’s job. Denouncements made by those same bullies, but now with 20 added years on them, attempt to shatter the hopes of millions.
So it is good to see that there are those of the adult community that still allow themselves that childish pleasure of believing in at least the concept of a Kris Kringle.
A Swedish consultancy agency has calculated just how much time Santa must spend at each house, and the most efficient route he should take. According to Anders Larsson of the engineering consultancy Sweco, who spoke with Agence France-Presse recently, Santa needs to spend 34 microseconds at each stop.
"We estimated that there are 48 people per square kilometre on Earth, and 20m between each home. So if Santa leaves from Kyrgyzstan and travels against the Earth's rotation he has 48 hours to deliver all the presents," he said.
At each of those stops, he then has those 34 microseconds to land, slide down the chimney so as not to disturb the household, drop off the presents, nibble on the cookies and sip the milk, before retracing his steps, and leaving the telltale footprints and sleigh marks upon the roof.
And, at that speed, no doubt the cookies and milk are there to keep his metabolism up.
The study also looked at the most efficient route on which Santa should travel, to make his deadline. And, instead of starting from his home towards the North Pole, or somewhere in Finland, apparently he is starting from Kyrgyzstan.
One of the things that Santa-Skeptics like to pull out is the fact that Santa should explode as he starts his run. Apparently, the physics don’t allow for Santa to go that fast. Apparently, the people of Kyrgyzstan should have noticed an exploding fat man and his pet reindeer a long time ago.
To them I suggest you consider that maybe a man who is intent upon providing presents for millions of children, may have already thought of a way to defeat this obstacle. Consider that, he already has to defeat various sorts of fireplaces, often on fire, how much harder would it be to defy the laws of physics?
And to those who believe that Santa is nothing more than one’s father? Humbug! Granted, the amount of times that Santa appears just as one’s father has gone to the store or to shovel snow is compelling. But consider the amount of times that Santa and Father appear at the same time.
Add to that the fact that, if I were a man visiting children and mothers across the world, I wouldn’t want to do it with a father in plain sight. It isn’t really something one can explain while hurtling up the chimney!
What about flying reindeer? Well, we know that our long since extinct dinosaurs have relatives that are now covered in feathers and can fly. Why is it so much harder to believe that there is a breed of reindeer that have managed to fly?
So, when you encounter those skeptics out there attempting to ruin your Christmas holidays, simply point them in my direction: I’ll have a few words with them, and our cheer will continue unabated.
Joshua Hill, a Geek’s-Geek from Melbourne, Australia, Josh is an aspiring author with dreams of publishing his epic fantasy, currently in the works, sometime in the next 5 years. A techie, nerd, sci-fi nut and bookworm.
